18 years...

18 years ago today I was a 12 year old girl who had just gotten home from church. The week had already been a very long one for everyone in the state of Oklahoma. We'd been struck by a tragedy. The Oklahoma City bombing had just happened a few days before. We were all still reeling from all of the emotions of the bombing. They were still showing images of it on the news. It was a lot to see for a 12 year old. Granted I was getting close to being 13, my birthday was only a few months away, I was still just a kid.

I was a typical teenage girl who liked to talk on the phone. My parents had gotten me my own phone line because they were tired of sharing theirs and getting run over anytime the phone rang. I remember walking into my room and seeing the answering machine flashing like crazy. I was used to having messages but this seemed a little off. I pressed play and listened. I will never forget what I heard next. "Denisa, it's Rachel. David Baker is dead. Call me. I'm serious, he's dead. So is...." and she finished her message and there were a dozen more just like that. I sat there for a minute listening to the messages and then I remembered seeing the smoke as we drove in from Lawton and thinking it was just a fire somewhere. I picked up the phone and called my friend and she told me what she knew. I was so overwhelmed. I remember that my parents tried to comfort me. Then I remember they called my cousin who had had friends pass away and a cousin pass away and they let him sit with me and talk to me. After he left I remember crying for a long time. I had gone to school with these boys for pretty much my entire school life. Twice in one week, I was hit very hard by something so big that my young mind was having a hard time wrapping itself around the thought.

The days that followed were a blur. I didn't go to the funerals. I didn't think I was strong enough to. Looking back, I think I probably made the right decision in not going. I think I was pretty young and it was so much for me to handle in one week. After the bombing, three funerals would have just been too much.

Every year when this date rolls around, I'm taken back to that day. I remember the sounds and emotions and everything about it. I remember that my friend, David, loved playing the song from the Lion King on his saxophone and he was really excited when we got the sheet music for it for our Spring Concert. I still think of him every time I hear "Just Can't Wait to be King".... Some things just never leave.

So, today I'm thinking about those friends and the families that are missing them still.

Scary World

This week there was a bombing at the Boston Marathon. They had three deaths and many, many injuries. Today they located the suspects. One was killed, the other fled and was captured late this evening. It has been a very long and scary five days for Boston and all of the residents there. I have a childhood friend who lives there and I know it has been an emotional week for her.

I'm not writing tonight to say how outraged I am at the stupidity and selfishness of people in this world that do things like this. Although, I wonder what is wrong with these idiots. I wonder what makes such young people want to throw their lives away. I wonder how our government gets SO close to them and lets the walk. But all of that aside, I'm writing because tonight while reading my Bible I ran across something that I think God intended for me to see. I question this world and all of the evil things that I see daily. I wonder about people. And I think tonight, God knew that and was trying to tell me, "Hey, I got this. Remember who I am."

The wicked plotteth against the just, and gnasheth upon him with his teeth. (13) The Lord shall laugh at him: for he seeth that his day is coming. Psalm 37:12,13

To me, this verse says, yes there is evil. Yes, they are out there doing terrible things to innocent people. But, HE knows what is going to happen to them in the end.

I hope that this brings some kind of comfort to someone else. I know it did me.

Miracle....

So everyone knows by now that I'm not originally from the country. I grew up in town....in the middle of the "city lights" and all the noise and hustle of the city. When I met and fell in love with this man I'm married to, he was a small town guy who liked being in the country. He likes quiet. He doesn't like he hustle and bustle of the city life that I was so accustomed to. So, we bought a house that he LOVED (it was his grandparents) in the country and that's where we live. He always talked about getting cattle and raising cows. I've always supported anything he has ever wanted to do, with the exception of moving to Alaska! So, we have cows. He bought 3 bred pairs and one pregnant Left Eye (my cow). Basically what that means is he bought 3 cows that had a calf nursing and were supposed to be pregnant with another. Can you tell I've learned the language? Yeah, you pick it up quickly when you are out here.

We came home a few weeks ago and found that we had a new calf. I was really excited because that meant that the others would be soon to follow. I LOVE having new babies around here. They are SO fun to watch. They jump around and are so funny. They are clumsy and so feisty! So, I was excited when this new baby was born! We tagged it the first day it was here. I named him, Tiny Dancer. I just call him "Tiny" for short. He is really cute and so sweet. When he was born I was able to touch him. That was an exciting day for us. Talent got to ride out in the pasture with us to see him. I love that he's getting these experiences.

Well today, Seth came in the house while I was trying to get a toddler calmed down and get a pizza in the oven. He said, "We are getting ready to have a calf" and I looked at him confused. I asked how he knew that and he told me he had just watched her water break. Now, I'm not a cow expert. But I have given birth before. So when I hear "her water just broke" I know that things are serious. So I put on flip flops and pull my sweats up a little so I don't get poo on them. I went out to the pasture to take a look at this cow. She has stuff hanging out of her. So yes, my husband was right. We were about to have a new baby! I went about doing what I was doing and then went into the bathroom. I noticed that the cow had moved up by the gate and laid down. Suddenly she shot to her feet and took off. I ran and got Seth. I told him to go check on her. He came back in and told me that she was getting ready to have it. I asked if I could go watch. I have never seen anything born before. My own child was taken by C-section and they had a curtain up so I saw nothing.

I went out to the driveway and saw this cow sitting on the ground in the pasture. I could see the bag hanging partially out of her. I could also see that she was contracting. I know she was hurting. What I saw next touched my heart. Her other calf, Lola, was standing over her, rubbing her head with her nose. It looked like Lola was trying to comfort her Momma. It was the sweetest thing I've ever seen between two cows. I stood and watched for a while.

For those of you that know me, I've named all of these cows. This Momma has a name too. She's nuts. So I've named her Psycho Sally. Psycho Sally struggled for a while. We ended up going in for a little while and ate dinner. I came back out in time to see little feet sticking out. Then Seth came out and I saw the most amazing thing I've ever seen. I saw Sally stand up and this calf come out of her. I've never seen anything like it in my life. It was beautiful. As soon as it was out she started cleaning it up. One of the other cows came over to help her. They worked on it to clean it up. For the first little bit I was afraid it wasn't alive. It didn't move at all. Then I started seeing it's little tail twitch. Then it's ears started to move. Then I heard it's first breaths. It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever witnessed. Never in my life would I have thought I would think something like this was so beautiful. But it was. To see the things God is capable of. To witness that first hand. It was an experience I was so very glad I was able to have.

After the calf was out I went in and got Talent. I told him we had a new baby and asked him if he wanted to go see it. He clapped his hands and said "Yay". We went outside and saw the new baby. He kept putting his hands on my face and turning my face to the new calf and saying, "Momma!" He thought it was pretty neat. He would moo at the cows and clap. I know he doesn't completely understand what happened today. But, I'm so glad that he will have these experiences. I never had these kinds of experiences growing up. And while I don't think it hurt me growing up, I think it will be good for Talent. I think seeing the beauty and wonder of a birth like this is a good way for Talent to see God's creations. I know today, for me, it was a great thing. I know it was a cow. I know that most people might think I'm crazy for thinking this was just such a beautiful thing, but it was. I even got to share it with my Momma. She showed up not too long after it was born. She got to see it brand new. She's not country at all so this was a neat thing for her to see too.