Days 7-30

 So I fell way behind this year. Mostly it's because I have a three year old who I spend every day with. We play, watch movies, read books, and do all kinds of other crazy things. My days are always busy but never in a bad way. 

So I'm going to save myself the trouble of trying to "catch up" because, let's face it...I don't stand a chance at this point. 

I am thankful that God gave me Talent. I never ever realized how big of a blessing motherhood was going to be. But, aside from being a wife...this is the greatest thing I've ever done. I love Talent with a love that is indescribable. He makes me laugh, drives me crazy, and makes me smile this really cheesy smile. He can make even the worst day better. I can never thank God enough for blessing my life with him. 

I am thankful for friends who are always there to pick me up when I fall. Lifelong friends like the Dollarhites who text me no matter what time of day or night it is to include me in the birth of a new baby. Family that isn't blood, but might as well be because of all the memories we share and the love and bond we have from growing up together. 

I am thankful for days at home with my little family playing in a cardboard "dog house" and laughing till our tummies hurt. Watching tv and cuddling all together on the couch. Snuggling in at night after a long day of doing nothing and falling asleep all together in the same bed. 

I am thankful for animals that bein me joy because they love me no matter what my faults are. A big dumb dog that wants to sit in my lap despite him being the size of a small horse. This dog lets my kid ride him like a horse, sit on him, pull his tail and hug his giant neck and never bats an eye. I am thankful for his tenderness. 

I am thankful for the dog who was my sidekick for eleven years. He was my best friend and I know there will never be another like him. His memory still stings my heart with a burn that I can't explain. As I type with tears in my eyes, he was the best dog I ever had and none can ever replace him. I'm thankful God sent me to save that mutt. My life has been forever changed by Riley. 

I'm thankful for my family. My parents, in laws, outlaws, cousins, minis, aunts, uncles....all of them. If it wasn't for these nuts in my life I wouldn't be here. They all have a place in my heart no matter what. I love them even if sometimes they make me a little crazy. 

I'm thankful for Talent's allergies. Yes I know that sounds insane. But, it has taught me so much to be the parent of a child with severe food allergies. I have learned how to be mindful of others and more thoughtful. I think about allergies all the time. When giving gifts I am more mindful of what I give. When doing an act of kindness for the mail lady or trash man I am more mindful....it has changed me in a big way and I am so grateful. 

I am thankful for my church family. I've been there since I was about 5. I have loved and lost many members along the way and I know I will do that for many years to come. But I have been richly blessed in knowing each person there. Some have touched my life in ways I was never able to fully grasp until I was older. One in particular, Isaac...oh what I wouldn't give for him to have been able to see my baby. 

I am thankful for my best friends. They keep me grounded in life. They are always there when I need them. To help me with birthday cakes, or to give me a bottle of wine on a bad day. They help me keep my baby safe on holidays like Halloween and also make sure he feels included. They love me, even if I am a crazy but bag at times. 

I am thankful to have a God who I will someday see in Heaven. I know until then, he's up there, listening to me each day as I say prayers for the people in my life that I love & also prayers for people I don't know but I know need Him. I am one of those people who doesn't have a nightly prayer. I never say "amen"...I have a continuous conversation with God all day everyday. I'm sure there are probably days he would like me to be still and listen...but, I pray a lot for the people in my life. 

I'm thankful for so many things in my life and I can't name them all. But this is a pretty good list. 

Day 6

Have you ever picked up a book and gotten so lost in it that you couldn't put it down until you finished the whole thing? I do that often. I was blessed with a love for reading very early on in my life. I will read just about anything. Murder mystery, drama, love stories, autobiographies, short stories....I love it all. 

I read all the time. I've even been reading with Talent since he was about 6 weeks old. I know, it was early to start reading bug I wanted so badly for him to love reading. 

Tonight as we were making our way to bed he pulled out two books from his book shelf and asked me to read to him. I have a hard time saying no to reading, so we say and read the books. We read all the time together. I'm thankful that he enjoys books and I hope his love for reading continues. 

Day 5

About four years ago my parents bought Seth a puppy. He had been wanting an English Mastiff and they found one on their way home from Texas. They brought it home and we fell in love. We found out three weeks later that I was 6 weeks pregnant with Talent. So here we were with a new puppy and a baby on the way. It was a very interesting mix to say the very least. Over the next 9 months this "puppy" grew into a horse. He also became a great companion for me. I had Riley, and God knows how much I love that dog. But, there was something different about the bond I had with Redick.

While I was pregnant I was SO sick. I had all day sickness, there was no "morning" sickness at all. It was an all day every day thing and it SUCKED! When I would be sick and thinking I would never in my life eat again, Redick would be in the bathroom sitting by my feet to keep me company. When I would sit in the floor and not be able to get up so easily, Redick would come stand beside me and let me use him for help getting up. He's been a great dog for me.

Redick still follows me around and can usually be found in whatever room I'm in. But, now that Talent has come along, Redick has a new little buddy that he loves. Redick is a 150lb+ English Mastiff that hits me at about my waist. He's extra large and he likes to make it well known that this is his house. But, let that little boy come in the room and climb on his back and Redick just looks at me like, "Well, okay." and lets Talent do whatever he wants.

Redick has been the best dog for my kid. He isn't rough with him, he isn't mean. He's actually never even snapped at Talent. With all that Talent puts Redick through some days, I'm amazed at this dog's patience. Talent and Redick love to play outside together. Talent loves to play fetch with Redick and always gets a good laugh when he runs after the ball.

I know Redick is just a dog, but, I'm thankful for him for so many reasons. He's the protector of our home, companion when we need one, and a big part of our family. I'm glad that my child has this amazing animal to grow up with. I know a lot of people don't view pets like I do, but, this dog is family. We love him.

Talent & Redick. Best Friends.

Sharing a laugh and a kiss!

These two. Just love them!

Redick on guard. He was watching Talent as a car drove by the house.

My pregnant self at about 30 weeks maybe....Redick was just about 10 months old here.

Days 2-4

Days two through four are actually a combination of things that go hand in hand. My son was diagnosed with several food allergies when he was 15 months old. Some of them aren't anything we have to really worry about, but, a few of them are life threatening. As a parent you never want there to be anything wrong with your child. Well, my son is allergic to the following: milk, soy, fish (black bass specifically), potatoes, strawberries, grapes, wheat, peanuts, tree nuts, malt, penicillin, cats, dogs, and alternaria. Of these allergies he is anaphylactic to fish, peanuts, & tree nuts. He also is severely allergic to cats...they affect his breathing whether they are in close proximity or not.

I have seen Talent's reaction to all of his allergens first hand. The ones that aren't severe don't really do much. Some of them cause a rash, some cause eczema. But the ones that are severe effect his breathing. His eyes and lips swell and he breaks out in hives all over. It is one of the scariest things I've ever witnessed as a first time mom. But, I am thankful for his doctors who have steered me in the right directions as far as treatment plans go.

I have a great allergist that we take Talent to. He's a nice man and his staff is very friendly. They have taken great care of Talent and have always taken the time to address any of my concerns with Talent's allergies. Even when my concerns seem a bit silly, like, "Can he swim in the ocean or lake with his fish allergy?" I wasn't treated like an idiot asking stupid questions and the doc didn't rush me out of there. He took his time and answered all of my questions and even went beyond that to make sure he told me things to avoid as far as certain allergies were concerned. We are blessed to have this doctor.

I am also thankful to be a part of so many allergy parent groups on Facebook. It sounds silly, but, they make me feel less "alone" in this allergy world. I've learned things in these allergy groups about how to keep my kid safe and how to make him feel included without having to become "that" mom. Those moms and dads in the groups have no idea how much they mean to me. They are helpful and supportive and even if I don't know them, I care about their child's well being. Today we had a parent whose child passed away because of a cross contamination issue on Halloween. It absolutely breaks my heart for that family. I don't know them personally but I have cried a river of tears tonight for their loss.

I am thankful for whoever came up with the Teal Pumpkin Project. I know it has been met with some resistance, but, it's a good thing. It's a way to keep kids like mine safe. Talent can't have anything that has trace amounts of his allergens on it. His first reaction to peanuts was to a sugar cookie that had been baked on a CLEAN cookie sheet that had been previously used to make peanut butter cookies. So, people that argue that parents can go through the candy once the child gets home....sorry, but, that wouldn't work with a child like mine. The Teal Pumpkin Project makes it to where he could trick or treat safely at any house that had non-food treats. I wouldn't have to worry about him. I wouldn't have to spend that night in fear of what was going to be handed out at each home. Currently we only go to 4 houses, sometimes 5. So he doesn't get to trick or treat like all the other kids around here. But, he's taken to safe places. Friends and family that I know and trust that have things he can have. People that are very aware of his allergies and will be sure to keep his treats completely separate. I am thankful for those people.

I am also very thankful to the friends of mine that don't have food allergic children and choose to be mindful of allergies. I have driven my friends and family nuts, I'm sure, about allergies and the dangers of cross contamination. But, in doing that I have some friends that are more aware of food allergies now. Friends that I've had ask me for safe snack ideas for school and daycare. For that, I can never tell them just how very much it means to me. These are friends that aren't local to me. Some live in my state but 100 miles away, others live 1000's of miles away in states far away from me. Either way, they are being more allergy conscious and it means the world to me. I'm thankful that I have such thoughtful friends. They will never know the impact they are having on the allergy kids and parents. But, I know and it makes me proud.

This allergy world is something I never imagined my life would be. Like I said before, no one wants something like this for their child. But, I can guarantee that I will make my child's life a fun one. He will have as many wonderful experiences as I can fit in and it won't all have to be food oriented. I am working very hard to make him understand that he has food allergies. I am trying to teach him what foods he is allergic to and what is unsafe for him to eat. I know he's only three, but, he's catching on. I know someday soon he will be at school and won't be able to have me there to ensure that everything he touches and consumes is safe. So, I'm working hard to make him into his biggest advocate. He needs to know these things. And I'm determined he will.

Allergies suck. That's all there is to that. They do. They make life hard. They make things a little scarier than they should be. But, we can live with them. We are making the best of life with food allergies. It's a struggle, but, with the people we've been blessed with, I think we'll be able to continue down this road of success.

Allergic reaction to peanuts. Treated, this was several hours after doctor.

Hives from soy reaction.

If you were like me, and didn't have a clue about food allergies before you started seeing my posts, please, educate yourself. I don't ask just for the safety of my child. I ask for the safety of others out there like him. I was so blind to food allergies before Talent and it has changed the way I view everything. Every outing, every food gathering, every party, all of it.... Visit the FARE website or www.kidswithfoodallergies.org I encourage you to learn all that you can and see how you can make a difference in someone else's life.

Day 1

Today I'd like to take the time to say how very thankful I am for my husband. Seth works very hard to provide for us so that I can stay home with our child and be the one to teach him and watch him grow each day. 

Seth is a hard guy to get to know. He is very quiet and reserved until you get to know him. After he has been around you a while and he's comfortable enough to open up, he will talk and be funny. He is one of the most supportive people in my life. I remember when my Pawpaw Bazil was so sick. We would get phone calls when hospice would think things were taking a turn for the worst. Seth was always there to be my strength and comfort. He always held me and let me cry. At my Pawpaw's funeral, I don't think I would have made it through without Seth by my side. He went and held my hand. The closer we got to Mineral Wells, the more emotional I got. I remember Seth trying to make me laugh by turning on "Momma He's Crazy" by The Judds. It was our song back then. 

When I was pregnant and so sick all of the time, Seth would stop and get food anytime I was sick so that I didn't have to cook. When I was in labor for 22 hours and Seth had been awake for at least 36 hours...he was there, holding my hand and wiping the tears when I finally broke down at the end and cried. 

Seth is the person I fell in love with 12 years ago. He's the one I gave my whole heart to. He is the person that I wake up and thank God for each day and also thank Him for each night when I go to bed. He's my partner in life and I have been very blessed to have him by my side for the last 12 years. I'm so thankful God sent him my direction. There are days when he drives me crazy, but, I wouldn't trade any of those days for anything in the world. I love him and I'm so glad I have him. He is a great Dad to Talent. A wonderful husband to me. And one of the most wonderful men I know. He may not see all of his wonderful qualities, but I do, and I'm so thankful for him. 

30 days of thankfulness.

It's that time of year again. If you've followed me for a few years you know that each November for the last several I've done a 30 days of thankfulness to help me focus on the positive because I lost several loved ones in the month of November all in one year. It was a hard year for me with many losses. I remember that entire year as the year that Thursday's hated me. Every Thursday in that November I lost a loved one or two. It was hard. The next year I started this project to keep me positive and not let myself slip into a negative sad place that would have been easy to wallow into. 

Most people do this challenge on facebook and it gets really old really fast. I choose to do it on my blog. Some things I am thankful for seem silly and superficial. Some are very deep and meaningful. They all are very real to me. 

Christmas came early.

When I was a little girl about 9 years old, my Grandma Inez gave me a set of China dishes and then made me to afraid to ever touch them. They have been sitting in my china cabinet since Seth and I got married almost 10 years ago. Even now that she's gone, I'm too afraid to use them. I know, it sounds so silly. But, if you knew my Grandma, you'd totally understand. 

My Mammaw on the other hand has always had a china cabinet that she used dishes out of regularly. When we were little and would stay with her, she would take us to have break with Pawpaw at the grocery store. We never ever got to finish our candy or soda while at the store. But, when we got home she would take out these fancy little glasses that were in her china cabinet and we got to finish our soda and candy in style! Mammaw always said, "Don't save it for a special occasion. use it. Being with your family is special." 

My Mammaw and Pawpaw have moved in with m parents recently and they are distributing some of the things they want their loved ones to have. I was there last week and Mammaw offered me her new china hutch. I was so excited. I have had her very first hutch for the last 10 years and while I love it, a bigger one was such a nice offer. Then a few days later I was at Mom's and there were boxes waiting for me that said "Denisa China" & "Denisa Glass China". I had Daddy load them into my trunk and I left them there for a few days. 

I had been really sick this week so I hadn't been able to get the boxes out and see what all was in them until tonight. I finally felt like I had enough energy to get the boxes out and go through them. I opened up the box marked "glass" and found some of my Mammaw's delicate glassware that was engraved with floral designs. Some of it I remember from when I was little. Then I opened the bigger box. The one my heart was truly dying to see what was inside. It was filled with her 8 piece serving set of white china with gold edges. I took out each piece carefully and examined it, knowing that my Mammaw had packed it away doing the exact thing I was doing now. The tears were burning my eyes. I had this beautiful china that I had grown up with in my world. Something I had always wanted and always loved. Something that means more to me than anyone else could ever understand. After I got it all unpacked and put away, I FaceTimed my Mammaw and showed her that I had it all out away and told her thank you. I know most people don't understand or appreciate the bond I have with my Red, but, this china was Christmas for me. For the rest of my life. It means more to me than anything else I could ever ask for. 

So, I'm going to plan a meal soon and use my beautiful new dishes. Because around here, we don't save things for a special occasion. Being with the ones you love is special. Every single day is a gift and I've learned that from one of the greatest blessings God ever gave me. My Mammaw is one of my best gifts and I am so thankful. 

He's a Hero

This week I was cleaning and I discovered some old CD's. Yes, I realize I am a dying breed. I still buy CD's to this day. Anyway, I have been listening to them for days on end. I just started putting then all on my computer. I discovered an old SheDaisy CD...Sweet Right Here. I loved their music. They became popular when I was a senior in high school. I own every cd they ever put out. Sweet Right Here has a hidden song on it called "He's A Hero". It is one of the most beautiful songs ever and it reminded me of my Pawpaw tonight.

My Pawpaw has always been this amazing, strong, loving individual. He's always served God in every way possible. He always took in anyone that needed anything. He has loved my Mammaw with every fiber of his being. And he has taught us all how to live a life for Christ, love our spouse, and how to be a wonderful, loving parent. He's amazing. I think I've always considered him mine, and just mine. You see, when I was about 18 months old I had a very rare disease and doctors weren't really sure if I was going to make it. I had Kawasaki's Disease. At the time, not many people knew anything about it. They flew me to Children's in OKC and they flew in an Asian doctor to treat me. At the time this disease was more prevalent in Asian children. This doctor either knew what he was doing or my Pawpaw and God talked enough that God said, "Okay, Dean, I give. You can keep her." I'm not sure which was the case really. But, I do know that my Pawpaw prayed for me a lot during that time. Our relationship has always been very strong. I've always been his and he's always been mine. Just to prove how special our bond is...he gets to call me Denise....yes, DenisE. NO ONE ever calls me Denise without getting their head bitten off. But, Pawpaw does and he gets away with it every single time.

Anyway, Pawpaw has been having a hard year this year. He has been having trouble with his heart and it has been my turn to sit and talk to God. God and I have talked a LOT and I don't know why everyone doubts that he's listening. But, I have always been told that all you need is faith like a mustard seed. Well, I have that faith. My Pawpaw may have gotten knocked down this year, but, I know he's going to be just fine. He's tough and he's a fighter. I know that it has been hard for everyone to see him not be the strong one for the first time. But, sometimes, the strong ones need a rest. That's all this is. It's a rest. He's going to get back up and carry on like before. He just needs a minute to catch his breath. I guess I get it because I am just like him in so many ways. I am expected to be the strong one for everyone. I don't get to ever have a rest either and to be honest, it isn't fair. Having to be the strong one for everyone sucks. Everyone always needs you and needs your shoulder and let me tell you, your shoulders get tired after a while. My Pawpaw is 82 this year in December. 82 years of being the strong one should get you a year off in my opinion.

"He's A Hero"

He's a young man
In his golden years
His hair of black now quickly fades to gray
The limp as he walks is his only souvenir
From those purple-hearted war time days

But you don't hear him complain
No matter how the fall
I don't have a lot, he'd smile and say
But lord I have it all

He's a hero
In my mother's eyes
He taught her how to raise me right
and never compromise
He always says he has the
finer things in life
Somewhere to live, someone to love
and the Good book to live by

Some say his heart is big
All though his fortune's small
I don't have a lot, he'd smile and say
But lord I have it all

A rembrandt in his own right
A master at his craft
Creating something beautiful
A memory that will last
And always last

He's the constant
In our family
Beginning this long line of love
We've cared
And even when he's gone he'll watch over me
When I close my eyes at night I feel him there

Wear my name, well my child
Be true and stand tall
You don't have a lot he'd always say
But lord you have it all

You don't have a lot he'd always say
But thank the Lord you have it all

Hero in my mother's eyes

Happy Birthday, Booie!

Many years ago I was blessed to meet my best friend, Booie. It was long before she had her son and even before I was out of school. We started out just as acquaintances, she worked with my Mom at the law office. I occasionally borrowed fancy dresses for prom or Valentine's banquets. After she had Hunter we started getting to know each other better. 

Through the years we have become great friends. She wanted to start teaching yoga and I decided I would go and let her teach me. We became very close. She has taught me yoga off and on for over 10 years. She taught me while I was pregnant. Her voice has a calming effect on me and so I had her in the room while I was in labor. I swear if I could have our cool down on tape I would be able to fall asleep much easier at night. 

Anyway, Liz is the kind of friend I can talk to about anything and everything. I've never had someone that I could be friends with and not have to constantly take care of. Liz is that friend. We take care of each other. We are honest and open with each other and it is the most freeing relationship I've ever had. I've never had a friend that is like her. 

I can say I'm blessed beyond what I deserve to have her in my life. If there is ever a need, Liz is there and ready to help. If there is anything going on, she is there to listen. If my family needs prayers, Booie is praying. Liz doesn't just do for my little family. When my Mom had surgery a few years ago she sent a gift basket of gift cards to resturants around town so my Dad didn't have to cook and they didn't have to worry about all of that. She is the most thoughtful and caring person there is. I can never truly express to her how much she means to me. 

Today is Booie's birthday and I hope she is celebrated big. There are so many people, just like me, that she has touched. So many people that love her just as much as I do. She is pretty special. So, Liz, if you are reading this, know that you are loved and hold a very special place in my heart. Happy Birthday! 

Happy

The last few months have been hard. Not in a way that I've been able to put into words, until today. My Pawpaw has been battling his heart....literally. He went to the ER a while back for chest pains and thins have just gone up and down since. He was admitted for pneumonia and all kinds of crap. It all ended up landing him in and operating room having a pacemaker placed. 

I can be honest and say if there is anyone in my life I've ever actually been scared to lose, it's my grandparents. Sure, I know someday it's going to happen and when that day comes, I will be shattered. I've already lost my grandparents in my Daddy's side. But the relationship I had with them wasn't like what I have with my Mammaw & Pawpaw. 

This heart thing has been the first time I've ever had to really stop and see my Pawpaw weak. He's never been weak before. But during the last few months he's slept a lot. He hasn't been able to make his own plate somedays, and he's had trouble preaching. Seeing him struggle has been hard, and eye opening for me. 

But this week all of that weakness changed. He had a procedure that helped him to get his energy back. It changed how he felt. He is already up and running around, aggravating people. He's back to his usual self and my heart has never been so full and happy. 

Years ago we were introduced to a heart doctor named Basham Saliba. He had to do some work on my favorite uncle. Anyway, he placed a pacemaker in my Uncle Joe and did some other work on him. He was kind. We remembered him. Then my dad started having heart issues and needed to see a cardiologist. We chose to see Dr. Saliba. He was still the kindest doctor. Almost 5 years ago my Daddy had a heart attack after a neck surgery. Dr. Saliba saved his life. He became our friend. Now this year he started work in my Pawpaw. He has placed a pacemaker and also shocked Pawpaw's heart. He has been there to help comfort us through all of these hard times. He's been honest and sweet. He has been an incredible doctor. I thank God for providing Dr. Saliba with the talents that he has and I really am thankful that God placed him in our path. We have truly been blessed by this man. 

I sent out texts and emails before Pawpaw went in on Tuesday asking my friends to pray.  I never realized how many people cared and prayed for me until Tuesday morning. Around the time I had told them all that the procedure would start I started receiving texts and messages saying, "Paying now...6:37 am" or "praying for peace and also that the procedure goes great"....what wonderful people God blessed my life with. I can tell you that I did not feel anything but completely covered I prayer that day. 

When the procedure was over the doctor told us that Pawpaw would feel better that day. He said not to baby him and that by Friday he would be ready to fish. Well, that's just what he did today. I can tell you this, the photos I received of him fishing showed a man that was ecstatic to be back to doing what he loves. Today, my heart is full. God has taken care of my Pawpaw. He still has work for him to do, I know. I've told my Pawpaw he's going to be around till he's 192! He always laughs and says he hopes so. 

 

I will not say goodbye.

Tonight has been hard for me. Seth's great Aunt Billie passed away a few months ago and to be honest, I've tried to push it aside and help the ones I love to deal with their hurt. After all, I only had Billie for 11 years and they had her for their whole lives. But tonight they had a gathering at her house because it is time to sell it. They wanted everyone to come over and find something that they wanted to take home that was special to them. 

When I first arrived at Billie's I was overwhelmed with emotion. It took me a few minutes to get myself back in line. The biggest part of me wanted to just sit down and bawl. There were boxes everywhere. Almost all of Billie's decorations were gone. It was just so clear that she was gone. I know, I know....she died months ago. But I haven't let myself grieve and come to terms with it really. So walking in to her home and all of her stuff being in boxes, well, it was hard in my heart. For the first time ever at Billie's house the tv wasn't on and there was no sound of sports coming from "Gene's room" as all the ladies gathered in the kitchen. It was just hard for me. 

Going through all of her things felt strange. I know she would want us all to have something. But it just felt weird asking for anything of hers. Especially since I didn't have her as long as everyone else. But I can say I am so thankful that I was able to be there. I got to spend time with my favorite "Gandy Girls" and they sent us home with some beautiful things that will always remind me of Billie and Gene. 

If you've ever seen any if our Christmas photos you've probably seen her Christmas tree. Billie loved Christmas and her tree was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. It was huge, at least 7 ft or taller, and covered in fake snow. She had "snow" under it also for the presents to sit on. The ornaments were always so beautiful and absolutely perfect. It was my favorite part of Christmas. Seeing that tree, I had never seen anything like it before in my life, well, except in movies. I was able to pick some ornaments from the tree tonight to keep and place on our own tree for the years to come. One in particular caught my eye. I don't know if maybe I am just weird or if know one else caught it. There was a clear ball with "snow" on top of it that reminded me if Billie's tree. I had to have it. If I got no other ornaments, I wanted that one. I also got a few icicles because those were a popular item on Billie's tree every year. These ornaments are going to be such a special thing to me. I am so thankful I was given the opportunity to pick ornaments from Billie's collection. 

This family that I married into is so special to me. I love them and cherish the relationships that I have made with each of them. The girls--Lisa, Tisha, & Shannon...I feel so connected to them even though, except for Lisa, we live so far apart. We always enjoy our time together and have so much fun just being ourselves and making jokes. I love them so dearly. And the aunts/cousins or whatever they are....they may be a little crazy at times, but, it's a good crazy. They have all taken me in and made me feel like I am truly one of the "Gandy Girls" and for that, I can never thank them enough. I have been blessed by this family in ways my heart was never truly prepared for. I am so thankful that God sent me such an amazing husband with so many wonderful people in his family. 

So tonight as I've sat here and finally cried my tears for Billie, I am reminded of a song by Danny Gokey called "I will not say goodbye"---these words keep coming to me. 

"I will laugh, I will cry, shake my fist at the sky, but I will not say goodbye."

Boo.

A wise woman once told me, "Relationships are like a bank account, you can't let someone withdraw more than they deposit." I've often thought back to this when looking at my friendships. This friend has been such a huge influence on the woman I am today. She has taught me about forgiveness, love, what it really means to be a friend, and so much more. I can honestly say, I have grown so much in the 16+ years that I have known her. The last three years we have gotten even closer and I consider her to be one of my closest and most cherished friends. She's more like a sister to me, actually.

My life was richly blessed when Elizabeth walked into it all those years ago. She recently went on a two week trip to Italy. I've never felt so alone. I talk to Liz almost every day. We see each other at least once a week. I work hard to preserve this friendship because it is one of the most important friendships I've ever had. Liz and I have become such good friends and I'm so thankful to have someone like her in my life. Someone that answers the phone, even if it's midnight, and is always there if I need a shoulder or a friend. Someone that feels comfortable enough with me to give me the hard truths that I need to hear sometimes.

I know this seems like a sappy post, I'm just thankful for such a great friend. There has been so much going on the last month or so. Elizabeth has been there for anything and everything I've needed and I don't know how I could ever thank her. I hope that I deposit as much as I withdraw...because God knows I cherish this friendship. So, Booie, if you're reading this, please know that I love you. I'm so very thankful for the friendship that you and I have. You have shown me so much over the last several years and taught me so much. I don't know how I could ever repay you for all of your kindness and friendship. But, I know that if there is ever anything you need, I'm here. Always. There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for you. I love you more than you know.

I never loved anyone so much.

Nine years ago yesterday I walked down the aisle of my tiny church and changed my name and my life...forever. 

May 7, 2005 was a day that started the best years of my life. I married a man that I loved so very much. Even still he makes me laugh, aggravates me to no end, and makes me happy in a way I never thought possible. He is one of the very best things to ever happen to me. 

I knew when I saw him across that basketball court eleven years ago that there was something different about him. He was beautiful. I hated basketball with every fiber of my being. But, I have grown to love it because he does. I am so glad I went to that game. 

Yes there are days he makes me want to smack him. There are days that I can't help but look at him and wonder what I did to deserve someone so truly wonderful. Then there are days that I am so overwhelmed with the amazing man I am lucky enough to call my husband. 

Like a few weeks ago when my dog died. I had such a hard time with that. I still have days that really suck. But my sweet husband was kind enough to be strong for me and not make fun of my tears. He was sweet enough to let me go with him to bury my dog and he let me pet him one last time and say my goodbyes. He didn't rush me along and make me feel dumb because it was a dog. He was compassionate in a moment when I needed that the most. 

Then there are times like when we were at the hospital with our son. I see my husband's face filled with as much worry and fear as I feel. I see as much concern on his face as I hear going in my head. My heart is full of love for this man that loves our child as much as I do. 

And now as I type I hear him in the living room tickling and laughing with Talent. They are playing and having a blast together. He loves our child and to see them together just makes me fall in love all over again. 

My husband is not an easy person to get to know. He doesn't let people close to him. But, if he cares for someone, it shows. He loves with all he has. He is an amazing man. 

For nine years I've been married to an amazing husband, friend, provider, love, comforter, supporter, and defender. He is so many things to me and I hope he knows just how much I thank God for sending him to me. Eleven years as a couple...nine years married....I've never loved anyone so much. 

Buttons & Beaus!

My dear friends Gabby and Kevin Bolton are the proud parents of a precious three-year old boy, Kevin. Kevin, born on February 2^nd, 2011, is a high-energy toddler who loves nothing more than to spend his days on the golf course or driving range. On March 19, 2014, everything changed for Gabby and Kevin, when what started as a high fever turned into a nightmare as they received the awful news no parent wants to hear, "Your son has cancer." After a doctor’s visit where Kevin’s blood was checked to determine what type of viral infection he had and a ambulance ride at night to the children’s hospital, Kevin was diagnosed by a hematologist with acute lymphocyte leukemia. Kevin has already endured a bone marrow biopsy and his first round of chemo. He has many more rounds of chemo, spinal taps, and biopsy to brave as he battles leukemia. In a situation that most adults would find difficult to face, Kevin has handled everything like a champ. However, this is only the beginning of a long and emotional journey for Kevin and his family.

          The Bolton family is in need of our support and prayers, so Buttons and Beaus are joining the fight to help Kevin beat cancer. Therefore, we will be offering two items from our website for a $5.00 donation to Kevin’s family. The full proceeds of any fairy dust & wand or lego necklaces purchased will be donated to the Bolton family. In addition, 20% of all sales until May 31, 2014 will also be donated to the Bolton family in order for the the family to stay focused on Kevin’s battle rather than the financial burdens they will incur.

           Use code Help Kevin Fight to donate 20% of your purchase, receive free shipping and leave a message for Kevin and his family!

Click Buttons & Beaus to shop!

 

 

Please do whatever you can to help spread this message and also to help send people to Buttons & Beaus to shop! This is a great store, doing a wonderful thing to help a child in need. If it was my child, or yours, you'd want everyone you know sharing this far and wide! So, please, spread the word, let's help this family!

 

 

Sirens grab my heart....

Pretty much everyone knows that my Pawpaw Bazil passed away 8 years ago. He was a firefighter and had a fireman's funeral. Every time I hear sirens my heart stops. I am always taken back to the day we buried my Pawpaw and the "final call" they did on the radio at the end of the funeral.

When Seth is off work we sometimes go out to eat with his Dad during his lunch hour. Most of the time we go eat pizza at Mazzio's. I've started noticing that most times when we are there, there are firemen there. This week we were there and I noticed that a truck full of firemen came in to eat lunch. I always notice them. I have a soft spot in my heart for them, naturally. This time, they barely got their food and sat down and the walkie went off, calling them out to a fire. They got up, left their food, and ran to the fire truck. The sirens started, the truck pulled out, and they were off. Their food sat as they went off to save a structure, nature, or whatever the fire had engulfed.

I write this blog about the firemen today because this is something I have seen more than once. Firemen leaving their food or coming back to cold food because of a fire. Firemen having to put their lives on the line to save someone or some structure or nature from danger. It's a job they choose. It's a job that they love. It's a life.....I know this because I remember just how very much my Pawpaw loved it. People don't get to see this part very often. I am so thankful that my life was blessed by a fireman.

When Seth and I were first married, maybe 7 years ago, there was a fire that came through and burned our entire pasture. It came within 6 feet of our house, 2 feet of our propane tank, and burned our fence around the pasture to the ground. Without the firemen that came to our house that day, I could have lost my husband. Seth was sleeping that day because he was working nights. It is still one of the most vivid and scary memories I have.

These firemen go out and put their lives on the line every single day. They get home late, miss many meals, have very sore bodies, and they miss so much time with their families. I hope that they know just how much they are appreciated for all that they do. Seeing the men at Mazzio's get up and leave their plates this week and not hesitate even a second, just shows me how dedicated they are to their jobs. I have a great respect for them. They all deserve a pat on the back and a "thank you" when they least expect it.

RIP Riley

For almost eleven years I have had a constant side kick in my life. Riley. I remember the first day I saw him. Those beautiful golden yellow eyes and that pink nose. He melted my heart and I had to have him. He was covered in fleas and ticks and just plain filthy, but, I didn't care. I was in love. 

I brought him home. I begged my boyfriend (now husband) to help me name him. He refused because he didn't

want me to get the dog. After three days, I finally picked a name on my own. Riley fit him perfectly. This dog was mine. He went with me everywhere. Back and forth to my boyfriend's house, to get a soda, to my grandparent's....everywhere. He was my best friend, my baby. 

Seth eventually came around and loved the dog too. He taught him tricks. Riley knew how to shake, sit, crawl, roll over, play dead, and balance a treat on his nose until he was told "okay". He was smart. He was also very loving and patient. He rarely met anyone he didn't like. I always knew that if Riley was cautious of someone, I should be too. He was the best dog. 

We took naps together, walks together, and even had a few good cries together. He always seemed to know just when I needed a friend the most. He would come snuggle up next to me and let me lay there and cry. He always made me feel better. 

To people who don't choose to have pets, this all sounds crazy. But for me this dog was part of our family. He was as much a part as my husband or child. He lived and was loved. He loved us back. He wasn't just a cute furry thing taking up space and shedding everywhere in my home. He was family. He was my best friend, first baby, and the best dog a girl could ever have. 

I was so blessed to have this amazing dog for the last 11 years. There will never be another that comes close to him. I am heartbroken and sad tonight. But I know Riley died in my arms knowing he was loved. He is at peace and no longer feeling pain. I'm thankful that I will always have his sweet memory to carry with me. 

I will love you always, Riley! 

Reunited...

Three years ago I decided I had to walk away from a friendship that I had been in for almost 10 years. At the time it was not a healthy relationship for either of us. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. From the day I decided to walk away from the relationship, I regretted it. I hurt, I longed for that relationship. I missed my friend more than I could put into words. But, at the time, I just didn't have the strength and the energy to put into it anymore.

She was going through something that I just couldn't understand. Something that she never really shared fully with me. I was pregnant and had all kinds of hormones going through my body. I ended up getting my heart hurt and decided I'd had enough. I'm not placing blame on her. Lord knows that I could have handled things in a MUCH better way. I chose not to. But, things in this relationship were complicated. When things were good, they were good. But when they were bad, boy were they ever bad.

After three years of being without this person in my life, I heard that she was pregnant. She had gotten divorced and remarried. Her sister was in the hair salon at the same time as me one day. She started talking about the pregnancy and I couldn't help but want to reach out. You see, the last time my friend was pregnant, she had all kinds of issues once the baby was born. He was born with a hole in his back, he had some form or Spina Bifida, and a tethered spine. He has had many surgeries and may still have to have more. So, I knew that with another pregnancy she was probably terrified.

A few days after seeing her sister, I decided I couldn't hold out any longer. I took the step to reach out. I messaged her on facebook and apologized. Admitting when I am wrong is something I'm happy to do. It's never easy, but I can do it. I apologized, she apologized, and we decided that we wanted to try and start our friendship over fresh. We've had three years and a lot of growth between us. We have both changed quite a bit. We have talked off and on over the last 4 weeks and I have to say, it makes my heart happy.

Julie and I had lunch a week ago. It's the first time we have seen each other face to face in three years. We both broke out in the biggest grin when we saw each other. There were big hugs and a lot of laughs. Honestly, it was like nothing ever happened. Three years apart and we were able to pick back up where we left off. I am so glad that I decided to take that step and email her. I needed her back in my life. I didn't realize just how much I had missed her until I saw her again.

Sometimes we close a door thinking we are done. How wrong I was. I thought that friendship was something I couldn't mend. Turns out, we just needed some time to heal and be apart. I'm so thankful that we are able to come back together and mend this friendship. She and I have always had such a close friendship. Not having it has been heavy on my heart since I let it go. Having it back feels right to me. I'm thankful for forgiveness. I'm thankful for second chances. I'm thankful for friendship.

Choice.

I've written about this before, but, I'm going to write about it again. Lately my Facebook feed has been flooded with all kinds of anti-abortion videos and links. Let me start with this. I am a mother. I love my child with every fiber of my being. If I lost him tomorrow I don't think I could ever function normally again. I am not a hater of children. I think adoption is a beautiful thing. I really do. 

Now, with all of that said, people are getting to a point where they think abortion is just so black & white. You are either pro-life or pro-choice. I recently read an article that referred to pro-choice as "pro-murder". Well, I for one am deeply offended and here is why. 

How many women and young girls in this country have babies every day? Millions. How many of them are because of rape and incest? Probably more than you care to know. Many women are too scared to come forward when they have been raped or abused so we probably don't have accurate data if you want to know the truth. The problem with this abortion argument is that people see that you are either for or against. They don't see this gray area here. But it's there and it needs to be recognized. 

Women who have become pregnant by rape or incest have already suffered so much damage psychologically. Many turn to drugs and alcohol for comfort. Some take their lives because the emotions and shame they feel is just too much for them to bear. Others move on to other abusive relationships. Then there are the few that actually make it out on the other side and realize that they can make a better life. Whatever happened can stick with them for years. After all someone took a piece of them without permission. 

What bothers me is that I see my "Christian" friends posting all of the anti-abortion messages and videos. I get that you don't like the thought of murderig babies. I get it. I don't like it either. But, do you like the thought of a man holding a women down and forcing himself on her? What about two men? Now, tell me that if that results in pregnancy that she should carry that baby. Tell me your reasons why she should be put through even more hell than she's already been put through. Tell me. I'd really be curious to hear. I don't think God ever intended that to happen. The God I serve is a loving God. To me, this does not seem loving. 

If you want my opinion on the matter, which you're going to get anyway. I think women with loose morals who sleep around and don't use protection should not be allowed to have an abortion. They made the choice to have sex. But these women who had their rights stripped when they were raped, in my opinion, they do NOT deserve to have another thing taken away from them. They already have nightmares. They are already afraid of men in general. They are already nervous and scared of most things. They are so fragile and scarred because of the past that they lived through. Why take away the right to choose what happens to their body? And unless you have been raped, you can't say you would be able to carry that child. I'm betting you wouldn't. Most women wouldn't. 

So I'm asking you, please, stop being so narrow minded. This isn't a black and white issue. Look at the very large gray area. Look at the life in front of you that has been so deeply effected. Don't just look at the life that hasn't even been fully developed. 

In closing, I hope you realize, I do love a rape victim. I know that her life has changed the way that I view this argument in a very big way. I know how hard she struggles with the past. I have stayed up many nights with her on the phone because she was too scared to go to bed. I have listened on one end of the phone as she cried because she was overwhelmed by the nightmares. I have hugged her as she shook because her nerves were shot. And I've been scared many times that she would fall into a state of depression that I wouldn't be able to help her out of. I've prayed with her. I've prayed for her. All I'm asking is that when you go about spouting off all of your hatefulness about abortion, you think about those that were put in a situation not of their own making. That gray area is awfully big. And it deserves just as much attention as both sides of the argument do. 

And just for the record, I'm pro-choice. Only because, I would never want a rape victim to be forced to carry a child to term after going through all they have already gone through. It just isn't right. As a woman, as a friend of a rape victim, I know how much it could damage a person. I think we owe those women more than that. 

Change your oil!

Okay, so some of you have probably already seen my posts on facebook about Young Living Essential Oils. I have used one particular oil for a little over a year to help relieve jaw pain I've been having. I was at my wits end when I decided to give the oils a go. A friend of mine had some and let me take it and use it for a week. I ended up buying the bottle. I used it and found that within 5 minutes of applying it I could feel my jaw ease up. I never expected to feel anything at all with the oils, but, I did. I bought one or two other oils and decided to give them a go.

I started using them more on myself and Talent a few months back. The oil I was using for my jaw had many other benefits. Sleep was one of the greatest benefits I found. Talent and I started using it at night. We both started sleeping more peacefully. One of the other oils I was using was for immunity. I haven't been really sick, more than sniffles anyway, in a very long time. Talent hasn't been to the doctor for being sick in so long I can't even remember the last time I took him for an illness. We aren't hibernating and staying away from germs. We are out, at the store, visiting friends, and running errands every week. Even now, when I know there are things going around, we are both well.

So, if you have ever used essential oils, I would like to challenge you to give Young Living a try. I became a distributor in December. I have already touched more lives with the oils than I ever imagined I would. In the last few weeks I have been sharing my own oils experience with my friends and family. There is no denying the improvements I am seeing on myself and on Talent. In just two weeks, using the oil called Purification, I have been able to almost completely get rid of his eczema. His knees were cracked, red, dry, and bleeding. Now, they are just a little scaly, not red, and not bleeding at all. He begs for the oil. He will come and tell me to put his oils on him because they feel good.

I never in a million years would have expected to be using essential oils in place of medications. But, I'm doing it. It's making a difference in my house, the way I clean, the way we all feel, and the way I look at treating illness in my household.

If you are interested in joining Young Living or buying Young Living, I would love to visit with you. I have seen such great things, I know you will too.

Welcome to 2014!!!

The year 2013 was a busy one. Looking back on the year past, I can't say anything negative about it. I was allowed to start not one, but TWO, home based businesses. We've added new cows to our little herd and we've also said goodbye to a few. Talent has finally started talking, although he still sometimes needs me to interpret. Seth's best friend moved home in August to stay for three years. And I went to my very first (and I promise it won't be my last!) New Kids on the Block concert. Things have been great. But, I'm looking forward to the changes that are sure to come with the next year.

In 2013 I started two home based businesses. In June, I started my way to being a home business owner by becoming a Rodan + Fields Consultant. This is a business that honestly takes more work than I've put out. I can be honest about that. To me this business has been a little intimidating. I can do retail, I've done retail for years. But, direct sales is a little different. You have to chase people for a sale and that has never been my style, even when I worked retail so many years ago. But, I'm going to try and work harder at it this year. Try to make a few changes in my approach this year and see if I can't make this business more successful than it already has been.

In December, I joined Young Living Essential Oils. I have some pretty severe jaw pain and had been using one of the oils for almost a year to help with the pain. I came to the oils in a last ditch effort for relief when doctors, dentists, and medicines weren't doing what I needed. The oil, Valor, was a miracle worker for me. Within 10 minutes of applying it, I could physically feel my jaw ease up. The pain would ease, I would stop hurting. I was in awe of the power in this tiny bottle. I took time to research, read about different oils for different things, and even ordered a few others to try. In the end, I decided that it was not worth it to NOT join. So, I jumped in head first. I bought the biggest starter kit they had to offer and said, "Let's do this!"  So, here I am now, two home based businesses, and two wonderful products that I feel very passionate about.

Now that the new year is here, I am hoping to make some wonderful changes to our home. Make healthier choices for my family, read more, slow down and listen more, be a better wife, mother, and friend. I don't have one big New Year's Resolution. I feel like you set yourself up for failure when making those. Everyone makes a big deal of losing weight, or not drinking soda, or no more meat....yada yada yada.....and in 3 months that's all out the window. I feel like the things I want to do are things I typically do anyway. I can always use improvement in all of these areas. So why not try harder? So, there's my 2013/2014 post. I hope everyone is off to a great start in the new year!