What you need....

Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes you feel like you are being kicked while you are already so far down you don't think you can take anymore. Then God gives you exactly what you need. For me, that was in the form of my best friend and her sweet family today. In case you don't already know, my best friend lives about 2 hours away. We have an email & phone relationship for the most part because travel is hard with her three kids and my one. Plus with that many kids, someone is almost always sick!

For the last three weeks I have had bronchitis. I have felt like crap. Talent had RSV somewhere in that time. It's just been one thing after another. Today, we celebrated Talent's birthday early. Cake, ice cream, family, presents, and my biggest and best surprise.....my BFF! Oh how I needed her. I'm usually the strong one in our relationship. I'm a natural nurturer...I take care of anyone that will let me. It's not always a healthy thing, but it's what I do best. Today, she got to play that role. God knew I needed her today. He knew I needed someone to be strong for me.

Sometimes the people that hurt you the most are the ones that you've known since birth. Today for me, that was the case. And you know, I've been hurt a lot by this person over the last several years. I've tried very hard to correct the situation and change whatever it is about me that "isn't enough".....but no matter what, nothing changes. But today, I realized that sometimes, God gives you exactly what you need. I realized that I have been blessed with amazing friends that LOVE my kid and LOVE me. Friends that want to be with my baby and love him and treat us like we are family. So sometimes, God knows exactly what you need. He sends you wonderful people to take the place of the ones that treat you badly. He sends you a best friend, like Shawna. Or an "Aunt Boo", for Talent, like my other bestie, Elizabeth. And sometimes he sends you a Jenny.....who has been a constant in my life for at least 12 years. Despite how my own flesh treats me at times, I have been blessed with some amazing "family" whether they are my blood or not. And I'd do anything for them and know they would do anything for me. I'm so glad that God knows what I need. I'm thankful for his timing today.

Shawna, Liz, & Jennifer......I love you all. Thank you for being my family. Thank you for being the best friends a girl could ever ask for. And thank you for loving me and my sweet little family. You all three mean the world to me and I thank God I have you in my life. I don't know what I did before I found you all. You each fill a different spot in my heart that needed filling and I'm so thankful you are there. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Blessed Beyond Measure

So a while back Seth and I had a really big argument. It isn't important what we argued about. What is important is that it made me stop and take a look at my attitude. I decided I needed to make a few changes. I know everyone knows I started this Bible study a few months ago. Well it sparked so much in me. I read Proverbs 31. Let me tell you, that woman in Proverbs 31 seems so unattainable. But, I decided maybe I could just try. Then I also went through and prayed over the verse in the Bible where it says women should be submissive to their husband. God spoke to me pretty sternly about that. I saw that I had been pretty disrespectful to my husband at times. He didn't deserve it. He works so hard for us and so hard so I can stay home and not work. It was time for me to try a little harder. So I set out on a mission to be more like the wife God intended me to be.

I started trying to keep up with the laundry better. Making the bed every single day. Having his favorite meals fixed when he gets home. (I even made okra!) And I took on feeding the cows. I have started asking him what I can do to help him each day. I've been really trying. And I think it's making a big difference in my marriage.

Yesterday I woke up to find a big box sitting in my spot at the table. It was wrapped in newspaper. It had a note written in red marker that said, "Because I love u & you're a great wife & mom". I opened it up and found a brand new laptop computer. Now for those of you that don't know my husband, he's not much into gift giving. I usually don't get things for Valentine's day. On our anniversary we don't do gifts, we go out. And for my birthday I typically go buy my own gift. Christmas is usually the only time I get things. So for this to be a just because thing, I felt really special. And it made me feel like I am finally doing what I should have been doing all along. Loving him the way he needed to be loved. He's showing more affection. He's being more patient. I'm happy with where things are going. I'm so glad I've decided to change my attitude.

Love

So I don't like to be controversial, but, a friend of mine posted something on Facebook today that got me to thinking. He said that he didn't understand organized religion. He went on to say that he had been told that God hates "fags", loves babies, hates people that don't speak English, loves the troops & hates the troops, loves kittens, hates Obama, and so many other ridiculous things. He said he didn't understand how someone who hates so much was supposed to be about love. My friend has a pretty good point here.

You see in this messed up world we live in we are so quick to condemn the actions of others that we forget to stop and live how Christ wants us to live. He wanted us to love how he loves. Unconditionally. That's a hard pill to swallow sometimes. Especially for me. There are some people in this world that even I think don't deserve my love. Reading what my sweet friend wrote today makes me feel a little ashamed. What makes my love greater than the love of God? Absolutely nothing.

So starting today, I'm going to work on that. In not saying it is going to be easy. Believe me, it won't be. But, I am going to try.

My friend today is one of the kindest people I know. And I'm sure that he has felt the wrath of judgemental Christians. He does not deserve it if he has. I hope he knows in his heart that not all Christians are like the ones you see blasting off at the mouth on tv. There are good ones out there. And I hope that he knows that even Christians make mistakes. We are human after all.

Guys and gals, be careful how you act. You can lose your ability to reach people by spouting off at the mouth. Talking all this judgement when it's God's place to judge not ours. So keep that in mind.

Such a journey....

So my last post was about me starting to go to a Bible study group. I went for several weeks and though I LOVED the material, I didn't feel welcome at the actual church. I felt like I just didn't belong. After several weeks of going they still all kept to themselves and sat in their usual groups. It was just awkward. I have anxiety about new places and faces as it is and this was just more than I could handle. So I quit going. However, I have continued doing the study on my own. My BFF, Shawna, recently decided she wanted to do it with me so I'm starting at the very beginning with her.

It has been eye opening doing this study. I've learned things about myself and about God that I just wasn't aware of before. Either I wasn't listening or I had it stored somewhere in my heart and wasn't letting it out. Regardless, I'm learning. I feel the Spirit moving in me. There's a peace and a joy I can't quite describe.

I used to be a person who didn't shy away from cussing. It was something that just came out of my mouth before I could stop it most of the time. Since starting this journey, I have stopped saying those words. There are occasional slips but they are very few and far between. I find myself actively searching for better words and for nicer things to say.

I've even started reading other devotionals and things aside from this study and one of them is a marriage devotional. I love my marriage. I love my husband. But let's be honest, no one has a perfect marriage. Mine is great. But it couldn't hurt to pray for it. To actively try to change some things within my own attitude to make the marriage even better. Could it? So I have been working on that. Some days are a struggle and some days it's as natural as breathing. But I am glad I'm making the effort to do it.

If you are interested in doing a Bible study, the one I am doing is free to download and is really amazing. You can download the stuff at www.soarwithgod.com and if you want other devotional type things to read, go check out the Proverbs 31 Ministries. I just googled that and it pulled up their site. They have tons of bloggers and devotionals. It's a great site.

I am excited about this journey. I am excited to be listening to Christian music again. It's a great feeling. I'm looking forward to learning more.