Ten years. You'd think by now the sound of fire trucks wouldn't still rip my heart to shreds, but it does. I relive that day every single time I hear fire trucks. I think of him when my son plays with his Planes: Fire & Rescue toys. I smile when Talent calls the fire trucks "woowees" knowing that somewhere up above my Pawpaw is enjoying watching my boy and loving the show.
I won't lie, I wish more than anything that my child would have gotten to meet him. The selfish, human, part of me wishes that he would have gotten to have his picture climbing all over that truck just like we did. When T asks to play pool it reminds me of playing pool at the firehouse and how very much we loved every single second.
When I eat mexican food while we watch Planes, I think of the little mexican restaurant that Pawpaw loved so much that had clouds and airplanes painted on the ceiling. We ate there every time we visited.
Now when we put up our tree at Christmas, I have a "castle" ornament to remind me of all the times we visited and gazed up at the beautiful Baker Hotel. Bubba and I were just so sure it was a castle for royalty.
Ten years has gone by so fast. I remember when we buried my Pawpaw. Me, standing a few rows back in a red shirt, black pants, & big Texas hair. Trying so hard not to fall apart. Seth standing behind me squeezing my shoulders. I was fine until they did the final call for him on the radio. Never again will I be able to hear a walkie squak and not hear that sound in my mind. Sirens....they bring me back every time.
Pawpaw Bazil, you'd love this boy of mine. He'd make you laugh. He would sure make your eyes sparkle. I'm certain you'd come in bringing him a bright red fire engine with your picture taped inside like you always did us. And he would be in love. Just like I was. I love you. I miss you always. Ten years didn't make me miss you less. I hope you know how much you are loved and missed. Hug Melba for me. Love you.
