COWS!!!

So about a week or so ago, Seth's friend, Brendon, brought 14 cows out here to eat down our pasture. I was SO excited! I'm a city girl and I've never been around livestock of any kind for an extended length of time. Seth has always told me that you can't make a cow a pet. So, those of you that know me know what my mission has been. I want these cows to LOVE me. I want them to let me pet them, feed them, and come to me when I call them! Well, I am almost there! When Brendon dropped the cows off, they were all pregnant and only one of the 14 had a name. Now 6 of them have a name and 2 of them have babies! I know, I know, I am the biggest dork for naming cows. But I love them. They are the coolest thing ever! I have been calling them and getting them to come to the fence by whistling and yelling "Hey girls!"....they always come running! I have already made a friend that will come to the fence anytime she sees me. Her name is Left Eye (yes as in Lisa "Left Eye" Lopez from the group TLC, and yes I know I'm dating myself by knowing who they are).  I also have one who absolutely hates my guts and lets me know how she feels every chance she gets. She is the biggest cow I have ever seen. I have named her Daisy Mae. She always snorts at me when I am out there. Anyway, here are a few pictures of the girls.....Enjoy!

 This one I named Reba....she's sassy and was the first one to let me pet her....she's brave!

 This is Jaret's cow, Jessica....she was named before she got here.....she's very shy.

 This is Daisy Mae.....I'm lucky she let me get this close. She hates my guts!

This one is Left Eye. I may never give her back. She and I have become friends. She always comes to the fence if she sees me outside. She is a very sweet cow.



Everclear

One of my most favorite bands of all times is Everclear. I LOVE their sound. I realize most people don't like them and most people think I'm insane for my crazy taste in music but I love them. This week has been insane. I lost a cousin in a motorcycle wreck last Thursday. Saturday my very close friend from church, Suzie, passed away. She was Isaac's wife, I blogged about him 2 years ago when he passed away. Then today my Mom & Dad had a wreck. They were in a hit & run. Luckily they are okay, just very sore. The guy that hit them was caught and arrested. I'm thankful for the teens that stopped and comforted my Mom and Dad before I was able to get there. And I am so glad the two men who saw it happen chased down the moron who hit them so the police could arrest him. He's now going to jail because he didn't have a license & he left the scene of an accident. He's just lucky I wasn't there before the cops or he'd be a whole lot worse off.

Anyway. Back to Everclear. This song sums up some of how I feel this week. I'm overwhelmed and feel like I've been everything to everyone and haven't had time to deal with my own hurt. I haven't had time to deal with all of the stress from everything going on in my own life the last few weeks. I'm stressed, I'm exhausted, & I'm emotionally drained. So here's my song for the week.


Everything to Everyone
Everclear

You put yourself in stupid places
Yes I think you know it's true
Situations where it's easy to look down on you
I think you like to be the victim
I think you like to be in pain
I think you make yourself the victim
Almost every single day

You do what you do
You say what you say
You try to be everything to everyone
You know all the right people
You play all the right games
You always try to be
Everything to everyone

Yeah you do it again
You always do it again

You say they taught you how to read and write
They taught you how to count
I say they taught you how to buy and sell
Your own body by the pound
I think you like to be their simple toy
I think you love to play the clown
I think you are blind to the fact
That the hand you hold
Is the hand that holds you down

You do what you do
You say what you say
You try to be everything to everyone
You know all the right people
You play all the right games
You always try to be
Everything to everyone

Yeah you do it again
You always do it again

Spin around and fall down
Do it again
You stumble and you fall
Yeah why won't you ever learn
Spin around and fall down
Do it again
You stumble and you fall
I wonder if you will ever learn

Why won't you ever learn

Come on now
Do that stupid dance for me

You do what they tell you to do
You say what they say
You try to be
Everything to everyone

Spin around and fall down
Do it again
You stumble and you fall
Yeah you do it again
Spin around and fall down
Do it again
You stumble and you fall

Hats....

Have you ever heard the song "Hats" by Amy Grant? Well, if you haven't you should. In that song she talks about all the different "hats" she wears.

I personally wear many hats. I'm a wife, mom, sister, daughter, and so many more. Today I wore one of my favorite hats & at times one of the most difficult. Favorite/best grand kid.

My Mom called me at about 9 to tell me that my Aunt Betty's grandson, Anthony had a motorcycle wreck this morning and was killed. My Mammaw was home alone and absolutely heartbroken. Mom asked me to get dressed and go take care of her. I jumped in the truck, no make up, dressed like a hobo, hair up in a messy ponytail and took off. I've never seen my Mammaw so upset. It broke my heart. I just hugged her an held her until my Pawpaw made it home. My Aunt Betty & Mammaw are best friends. This is as hard on Mammaw as it is my Aunt Betty. I'm glad I was able to be there for my Mammaw even though the rest of my day has been emotional. I love that woman more than she will ever know. To be the one comforting her today felt strange because she's always the one comforting me. So it was different but in glad I was there for her.

Wearing all these different hats is hard at times. Today wearing my most favorite was hard. I'm a fixer naturally and so not being able to fix this hurts my heart. So anyone that wants to pray for my family, be my guest. We will definitely be needing it.

Stress

So anyone that knows me knows I deal with stress in a few different ways. This morning after I finished feeding Talent his breakfast I put him in his room to play and watch his little tv shows. Then I came to my sanctuary in the kitchen and began baking.

Lately the stresses of being a one income family have been weighing heavily on me. I feel like we have no money a lot of times and feel helpless about it because I don't have a "real job". It's so stressful. I could easily go get one. I've been told by the store manager at walmart that if I want a job (ever) to just call and I have one. I know he means it. I've worked for him in the past and I overheard him telling someone that I was "one of the best hands you could have work for you." so I know I can get a job. But what's the point in getting one when we would have to pay for child care? Child care would cost as much as I would make. And Seth and I really don't want someone else watching our kid.

So you see, I'm stuck. Wanting to help my little family an no way to really do so. It is such a jar thing for me. In a "fixer" and I just can't seem to fix this. I can't seem to make it always be okay and it makes me crazy. So today I am baking to relieve a little bit of the stress. To try and get my mind off of it.

So Talent will get to enjoy his first cupcake later today. It should be a big mess. I'm glad I will get to be here to see it.

One year...

A year ago today was one of the most terrifying days of my life.

My Daddy went in to have surgery on his neck to fix a couple of bones that were in need of repair. From everything the doctor doing the surgery said it was pretty routine and he did thousands of these surgeries a year. He did say there was risk of heart attack but that he had never had a patient suffer from one so he wasn't concerned but he did have to let us know it was a risk with the surgery. Daddy went back and they performed the surgery. I was 6 months pregnant and refused to leave until I saw with my own eyes that he was okay. So reluctantly they let me back to see him in recovery. I fed him ice chips and found him some water finally. I felt comfortable with what I saw and went home. That was in the middle of the afternoon.

Later that evening at around 7:30 my Mom called and said that Dad was having some chest pains and they were doing some tests. Seth was on his way home from work. He had been working all day. I called him hysterical. My Daddy was having a heart attack and I was 30 miles away. Mom told me to come as soon as I could but to wait for Seth and not to drive because I tend to speed in times like that. Seth got home and we left. On the way there Mom called again and said they were taking Daddy back for emergency surgery. I made it to Lawton right after they took him back. I was a wreck. But in true "Denisa" fashion I kept it together until my Uncle Peaches called me. I was strong for my Mom, my grandparents, and my brother who was in Illinois. It felt like a nightmare.

Seth stayed until we saw the doctor and I knew my Daddy was okay. Then I sent him home. I stayed until I got to see my Daddy. I got to see them wheel him out of the operating room and to the ICU department. I waited til they said I could go back and see him. Once I knew he was okay I let my Uncle Joe take me home. I went to the hospital every single day he was there. I was so thankful to Dr. Mark Duncan for leaving his family to come and be with mine. And I was so grateful to Dr. Saliba and Dr. Pariq (not sure I spelled that right) for getting through the blockage and making sure my Daddy lived. Because of these men I still have my Daddy. Talent has his Poppy and my life is so blessed. I font know if these men know how much they mean to my family....or to me. But in my eyes they are heroes. They saved the life of the first man I ever loved.

So today I just wanted to say I'm thankful to have had the last year I've had with my Daddy. I know it could have been a lot worse. And I'm so thankful it wasn't.