8 years.

Well today is a hard day for me. It comes around every single year and though it gets easier with time it's still tough. I deal silently and try not to make a big deal of it.

Eight years ago today I lost my Pawpaw Bazil. It was the first loss of this magnitude for me. I'd lost people I loved before but never a person I'd known since birth. Never someone I was close to. I still remember his slow speech, his laugh, and those beautiful baby blues. He was a vary sweet and loving man. Kind to all around him and always telling jokes. He loved to tease my mom about her ability to burn a biscuit. He loved chocolate covered cherries and every year I get a box and eat them just to remember him.

His funeral was a fireman's funeral. They took him out on the truck that he built. They played the sirens as we went. To this day the sound of a fire truck pierces my heart in a way I just can't explain. They did a last call on the radio for him. I will never forget that day or that experience. A fireman's funeral is a beautiful thing but terribly emotional.

I miss my Pawpaw Bazil every single day. And while each year does get a little easier, when this day rolls around, my heart aches. I long to hear one of his rambling stories. Hear him joke about my Momma burning biscuits. Anything. Just to have one more day.

I love you, Pawpaw Bazil.

Adventures in Deception!

So this year for Christmas, my BFF bought me two cookbooks (along with way too much other cool stuff) that I am beyond excited about. One of the cookbooks is called "The Everything Allergy Cookbook" and has been a great source of information for me about food allergies. For those unaware, Talent has some pretty serious food allergies and I'm learning to work around them to prepare healthy food for him at home. And also to known what is healthy for him and safe when we go out. The other cookbook is called "Deceptively Delicious". It's a cookbook that teaches you how to make favorite foods a little healthier by hiding fruits and veggies in them. There's a recipe in the book for ketchup and it has carrots in it.

I didn't exactly want the second cookbook to trick my child, although as he gets bigger it will come in handy. I wanted this to trick my husband. He isn't much on eating veggies or fruit. But, if it is in his food and he doesn't know it.....well he has no complaints. So today, operation deception starts.

My husband is a meat & potatoes man. He likes mashed potatoes with every single meal and he always wants steak, round steak, beef, beef, chicken, & beef. Have I mentioned he likes beef? Well this makes it a little hard to make things healthy and also hard to get a little variety in our meals. This cookbook may have just inspired me.

After reading through the cookbook twice, I decided to start with the mashed potato recipe. I figure I make mashed potatoes almost every single night anyway so why not start there. So tonight we will be having cauliflower mashed potatoes.

Yes, I am aware that there are members of my family reading this and thinking to themselves that they will never again eat my cooking. But, before you cast your judgement, hear me out. If we don't know it's in there, if we can't taste it, what does it hurt? It might make us a little healthier. Might help fend off a cold, improve our eyesight, or even help us get back to that girlish figure we've been agonizing over. If I can hide healthy things in food my husband already eats, I'm going to. It isn't going to hurt him and it might ensure that he never has trouble with his health. I want him healthy. Not just for me, for Talent too.

So, all of that being said, we will be trying cauliflower mashed potatoes tonight. And I will update everyone with how this goes and also with other food sneaks I attempt. I'm hoping this works and that he is able to get some nutritious food into his system. Meat and potatoes isn't terrible....but it's not exactly wonderful for your arteries! So here's hoping this works and we are able to kick off 2013 in a healthier way. Even if I am doing so in a very deceiving way!

Tragedy

Yesterday I came home from grocery shopping with Talent and was told by my husband that there had been a shooting at a school in Connecticut. I had not heard anything about it yet. After I got Talent fed and down for a nap I turned on the news. Seth and I sat and watched the horror of what happened in this school. An ELEMENTARY school! I still feel my heart aching over the information that was given to us yesterday by reporters on the news. My heart aches for the parents that dropped their children off at a school that they thought was a safe place. Some place that SHOULD be a safe place for them. Those little lives that were lost....those families, friends, & that whole community....it seems so unreal. It terrifies me to see that these shootings are happening more often at places that should be safe. Malls, hospitals, schools, & places of worship....is nothing safe?

I was talking to my husband yesterday about all of the problems in this country. I realize that by writing this I am probably going to offend some people. For that I apologize. This country was once a Christian nation. We once allowed God in our schools. People had Christian morals. I have heard several times over the last two days, "Why are we seeing more of these shootings?" ... my answer is this--- We have turned our once God fearing country into a country that lives according to the world. We have allowed ourselves to get so far away from Christianity that people don't know how to live anymore. We live in a world full of sin. Full of things that my Bible tells me is wrong. What we as a nation are doing wrong is, forgetting where we came from. Turning our back on God. We need him now more than ever.

I also think that the media is to blame for a lot of this. We sensationalize everything now. Honestly, can you tell me one victim's name from the OKC bombing? How about the Columbine or Virginia Tech shootings? Aurora, Colorado? What about the shooting from Connecticut? I know I can't. But I can tell you who did those despicable things. Because the media takes that information and runs with it. They put it all over everything-- websites, newscasts, and newspapers. All of the other crazies out there see those things and take it as a challenge to one up the last one. To become famous. Because hard work and dedication to school doesn't get you the instant fame you see with this. But the media is making all of these crazy people famous. It is sickening. I know people are twisted. I realize that.

I also realize we are all curious about what is going on around us. But we don't need to know every last detail. We don't need to know how many times or where these kids were shot. We don't need to know what those children saw and heard. We don't need to know. It isn't going to do anyone any good by giving those details away. I've seen one sound bite by accident of a child telling what they saw or heard.....I have no idea how those parents felt okay with letting their baby talk to the media wolves. Seeing it made me sick. I have a friend with a 6 year old. He has the biggest heart in the world. I can't imagine him giving an interview. He wouldn't even fully understand what had happened. So why do reporters think it's okay to even ASK a parent to let them talk to a child? I realize the media is just doing a job...but sometimes, protecting innocence should be more important.

All of this isn't meant to upset anyone. I don't mean to come across rude or insensitive. All of this just makes me take a long look at my own life. Re-prioritize a few things. I want to make sure to take the time to do the fun and important things. Like taking Talent to see Christmas lights. Playing hide and seek with him until he is just too tired to play anymore. Spend time making memories with my husband. Have date nights. Cook his favorites....hot wings, fried steak, and spicy pretzels. Make time to do things that I wouldn't normally do because "I'm too busy" for whatever reason.

I think our country needs a change. I think the change has to come from us as a nation, though. We've grown so far away from our roots. And we've planted ourself somewhere so far away from where we started.....it makes me sad. As a Christian, I look at this world and I'm scared for my child. What we are today, it isn't good. This nation was once something to be very proud of. Now it seems every day shows a new reason to be afraid.

Let your loved ones know how much you love them. Cherish every second you have with them.

Year 2

I'm a few days late on this. On December 7th two years ago, my Daddy had neck surgery. After his surgery he had a heart attack. He had emergency surgery to place two stints and repair and remove blockage in his heart. The last two years have been an up and down roller coaster of doctors visits but he's doing so well. I'm thankful that I still have him. So glad he is around to be in my sweet baby boys life. So I just wanted to say thank you to God. Thank you for placing your loving hands on my Daddy and keeping him safe. Thank you for having him in a place with incredible doctors who knew what they were doing. Thank you.

Day 30

The last day of the 30 day challenge.....

The last 30 days have flown by. For the 30th day I'd like to say I'm thankful for two people that I barely know in "real life".....

What I mean by that is one of these people I've never met and the other I've met in person once. So here goes...first ones first.

Mary Morrow. My talented photographer friend. I met Mary years ago via Myspace when I stumbled across her page looking at photography. She has a photography business about an hour and a half away from me. It is my dream to have my family photographed by her. I've been talking to Mary for a long time. She is one of the sweetest people I've ever met. She's encouraging, loving, and so kind. When I am feeling overwhelmed about Talent's allergies, she's encouraging. She prays for me, she encourages me. She is just the sweetest person. I'm thankful to have known her all these years. I am determined to meet her in person some day. She's pretty stinkin' awesome!

Larissa Lou Holquin..... Oh my, Larissa. I met Larissa through Mary. I am a part of a marriage prayer group that Mary used to lead. Larissa took over. I emailed her a few times after she took over the group and told her how much I loved her emails and that she was doing a great job. We became "Facebook friends" and talked on there every once in a while. She's silly and fun. She loves college football and OU. She's an absolute doll. Oh and she's kinda a prankster. Larissa and I actually had the chance to meet in person once. She and "hottie" (her husband, Eric...who she only calls "hottie") went to an OU basketball game and Seth and I were there too. We facebooked each other where our seats were and we actually got to see each other in person! We actually weren't sitting too far from each other either! Now we talk more often, follow each other on Twitter and Pinterest, and I couldn't imagine not having her in my life. She's pretty amazing.

Both of these girls are prayer warriors. They pray with me and for me. They are great friends and I am truly blessed to have them in my life.