18 years ago today I was a 12 year old girl who had just gotten home from church. The week had already been a very long one for everyone in the state of Oklahoma. We'd been struck by a tragedy. The Oklahoma City bombing had just happened a few days before. We were all still reeling from all of the emotions of the bombing. They were still showing images of it on the news. It was a lot to see for a 12 year old. Granted I was getting close to being 13, my birthday was only a few months away, I was still just a kid.
I was a typical teenage girl who liked to talk on the phone. My parents had gotten me my own phone line because they were tired of sharing theirs and getting run over anytime the phone rang. I remember walking into my room and seeing the answering machine flashing like crazy. I was used to having messages but this seemed a little off. I pressed play and listened. I will never forget what I heard next. "Denisa, it's Rachel. David Baker is dead. Call me. I'm serious, he's dead. So is...." and she finished her message and there were a dozen more just like that. I sat there for a minute listening to the messages and then I remembered seeing the smoke as we drove in from Lawton and thinking it was just a fire somewhere. I picked up the phone and called my friend and she told me what she knew. I was so overwhelmed. I remember that my parents tried to comfort me. Then I remember they called my cousin who had had friends pass away and a cousin pass away and they let him sit with me and talk to me. After he left I remember crying for a long time. I had gone to school with these boys for pretty much my entire school life. Twice in one week, I was hit very hard by something so big that my young mind was having a hard time wrapping itself around the thought.
The days that followed were a blur. I didn't go to the funerals. I didn't think I was strong enough to. Looking back, I think I probably made the right decision in not going. I think I was pretty young and it was so much for me to handle in one week. After the bombing, three funerals would have just been too much.
Every year when this date rolls around, I'm taken back to that day. I remember the sounds and emotions and everything about it. I remember that my friend, David, loved playing the song from the Lion King on his saxophone and he was really excited when we got the sheet music for it for our Spring Concert. I still think of him every time I hear "Just Can't Wait to be King".... Some things just never leave.
So, today I'm thinking about those friends and the families that are missing them still.
April 23, 2013
April 19, 2013
Scary World
This week there was a bombing at the Boston Marathon. They had three deaths and many, many injuries. Today they located the suspects. One was killed, the other fled and was captured late this evening. It has been a very long and scary five days for Boston and all of the residents there. I have a childhood friend who lives there and I know it has been an emotional week for her.
I'm not writing tonight to say how outraged I am at the stupidity and selfishness of people in this world that do things like this. Although, I wonder what is wrong with these idiots. I wonder what makes such young people want to throw their lives away. I wonder how our government gets SO close to them and lets the walk. But all of that aside, I'm writing because tonight while reading my Bible I ran across something that I think God intended for me to see. I question this world and all of the evil things that I see daily. I wonder about people. And I think tonight, God knew that and was trying to tell me, "Hey, I got this. Remember who I am."
The wicked plotteth against the just, and gnasheth upon him with his teeth. (13) The Lord shall laugh at him: for he seeth that his day is coming. Psalm 37:12,13
To me, this verse says, yes there is evil. Yes, they are out there doing terrible things to innocent people. But, HE knows what is going to happen to them in the end.
I hope that this brings some kind of comfort to someone else. I know it did me.
I'm not writing tonight to say how outraged I am at the stupidity and selfishness of people in this world that do things like this. Although, I wonder what is wrong with these idiots. I wonder what makes such young people want to throw their lives away. I wonder how our government gets SO close to them and lets the walk. But all of that aside, I'm writing because tonight while reading my Bible I ran across something that I think God intended for me to see. I question this world and all of the evil things that I see daily. I wonder about people. And I think tonight, God knew that and was trying to tell me, "Hey, I got this. Remember who I am."
The wicked plotteth against the just, and gnasheth upon him with his teeth. (13) The Lord shall laugh at him: for he seeth that his day is coming. Psalm 37:12,13
To me, this verse says, yes there is evil. Yes, they are out there doing terrible things to innocent people. But, HE knows what is going to happen to them in the end.
I hope that this brings some kind of comfort to someone else. I know it did me.
April 5, 2013
Miracle....
So everyone knows by now that I'm not originally from the country. I grew up in town....in the middle of the "city lights" and all the noise and hustle of the city. When I met and fell in love with this man I'm married to, he was a small town guy who liked being in the country. He likes quiet. He doesn't like he hustle and bustle of the city life that I was so accustomed to. So, we bought a house that he LOVED (it was his grandparents) in the country and that's where we live. He always talked about getting cattle and raising cows. I've always supported anything he has ever wanted to do, with the exception of moving to Alaska! So, we have cows. He bought 3 bred pairs and one pregnant Left Eye (my cow). Basically what that means is he bought 3 cows that had a calf nursing and were supposed to be pregnant with another. Can you tell I've learned the language? Yeah, you pick it up quickly when you are out here.
We came home a few weeks ago and found that we had a new calf. I was really excited because that meant that the others would be soon to follow. I LOVE having new babies around here. They are SO fun to watch. They jump around and are so funny. They are clumsy and so feisty! So, I was excited when this new baby was born! We tagged it the first day it was here. I named him, Tiny Dancer. I just call him "Tiny" for short. He is really cute and so sweet. When he was born I was able to touch him. That was an exciting day for us. Talent got to ride out in the pasture with us to see him. I love that he's getting these experiences.
Well today, Seth came in the house while I was trying to get a toddler calmed down and get a pizza in the oven. He said, "We are getting ready to have a calf" and I looked at him confused. I asked how he knew that and he told me he had just watched her water break. Now, I'm not a cow expert. But I have given birth before. So when I hear "her water just broke" I know that things are serious. So I put on flip flops and pull my sweats up a little so I don't get poo on them. I went out to the pasture to take a look at this cow. She has stuff hanging out of her. So yes, my husband was right. We were about to have a new baby! I went about doing what I was doing and then went into the bathroom. I noticed that the cow had moved up by the gate and laid down. Suddenly she shot to her feet and took off. I ran and got Seth. I told him to go check on her. He came back in and told me that she was getting ready to have it. I asked if I could go watch. I have never seen anything born before. My own child was taken by C-section and they had a curtain up so I saw nothing.
I went out to the driveway and saw this cow sitting on the ground in the pasture. I could see the bag hanging partially out of her. I could also see that she was contracting. I know she was hurting. What I saw next touched my heart. Her other calf, Lola, was standing over her, rubbing her head with her nose. It looked like Lola was trying to comfort her Momma. It was the sweetest thing I've ever seen between two cows. I stood and watched for a while.
For those of you that know me, I've named all of these cows. This Momma has a name too. She's nuts. So I've named her Psycho Sally. Psycho Sally struggled for a while. We ended up going in for a little while and ate dinner. I came back out in time to see little feet sticking out. Then Seth came out and I saw the most amazing thing I've ever seen. I saw Sally stand up and this calf come out of her. I've never seen anything like it in my life. It was beautiful. As soon as it was out she started cleaning it up. One of the other cows came over to help her. They worked on it to clean it up. For the first little bit I was afraid it wasn't alive. It didn't move at all. Then I started seeing it's little tail twitch. Then it's ears started to move. Then I heard it's first breaths. It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever witnessed. Never in my life would I have thought I would think something like this was so beautiful. But it was. To see the things God is capable of. To witness that first hand. It was an experience I was so very glad I was able to have.
After the calf was out I went in and got Talent. I told him we had a new baby and asked him if he wanted to go see it. He clapped his hands and said "Yay". We went outside and saw the new baby. He kept putting his hands on my face and turning my face to the new calf and saying, "Momma!" He thought it was pretty neat. He would moo at the cows and clap. I know he doesn't completely understand what happened today. But, I'm so glad that he will have these experiences. I never had these kinds of experiences growing up. And while I don't think it hurt me growing up, I think it will be good for Talent. I think seeing the beauty and wonder of a birth like this is a good way for Talent to see God's creations. I know today, for me, it was a great thing. I know it was a cow. I know that most people might think I'm crazy for thinking this was just such a beautiful thing, but it was. I even got to share it with my Momma. She showed up not too long after it was born. She got to see it brand new. She's not country at all so this was a neat thing for her to see too.
We came home a few weeks ago and found that we had a new calf. I was really excited because that meant that the others would be soon to follow. I LOVE having new babies around here. They are SO fun to watch. They jump around and are so funny. They are clumsy and so feisty! So, I was excited when this new baby was born! We tagged it the first day it was here. I named him, Tiny Dancer. I just call him "Tiny" for short. He is really cute and so sweet. When he was born I was able to touch him. That was an exciting day for us. Talent got to ride out in the pasture with us to see him. I love that he's getting these experiences.
Well today, Seth came in the house while I was trying to get a toddler calmed down and get a pizza in the oven. He said, "We are getting ready to have a calf" and I looked at him confused. I asked how he knew that and he told me he had just watched her water break. Now, I'm not a cow expert. But I have given birth before. So when I hear "her water just broke" I know that things are serious. So I put on flip flops and pull my sweats up a little so I don't get poo on them. I went out to the pasture to take a look at this cow. She has stuff hanging out of her. So yes, my husband was right. We were about to have a new baby! I went about doing what I was doing and then went into the bathroom. I noticed that the cow had moved up by the gate and laid down. Suddenly she shot to her feet and took off. I ran and got Seth. I told him to go check on her. He came back in and told me that she was getting ready to have it. I asked if I could go watch. I have never seen anything born before. My own child was taken by C-section and they had a curtain up so I saw nothing.
I went out to the driveway and saw this cow sitting on the ground in the pasture. I could see the bag hanging partially out of her. I could also see that she was contracting. I know she was hurting. What I saw next touched my heart. Her other calf, Lola, was standing over her, rubbing her head with her nose. It looked like Lola was trying to comfort her Momma. It was the sweetest thing I've ever seen between two cows. I stood and watched for a while.
For those of you that know me, I've named all of these cows. This Momma has a name too. She's nuts. So I've named her Psycho Sally. Psycho Sally struggled for a while. We ended up going in for a little while and ate dinner. I came back out in time to see little feet sticking out. Then Seth came out and I saw the most amazing thing I've ever seen. I saw Sally stand up and this calf come out of her. I've never seen anything like it in my life. It was beautiful. As soon as it was out she started cleaning it up. One of the other cows came over to help her. They worked on it to clean it up. For the first little bit I was afraid it wasn't alive. It didn't move at all. Then I started seeing it's little tail twitch. Then it's ears started to move. Then I heard it's first breaths. It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever witnessed. Never in my life would I have thought I would think something like this was so beautiful. But it was. To see the things God is capable of. To witness that first hand. It was an experience I was so very glad I was able to have.
After the calf was out I went in and got Talent. I told him we had a new baby and asked him if he wanted to go see it. He clapped his hands and said "Yay". We went outside and saw the new baby. He kept putting his hands on my face and turning my face to the new calf and saying, "Momma!" He thought it was pretty neat. He would moo at the cows and clap. I know he doesn't completely understand what happened today. But, I'm so glad that he will have these experiences. I never had these kinds of experiences growing up. And while I don't think it hurt me growing up, I think it will be good for Talent. I think seeing the beauty and wonder of a birth like this is a good way for Talent to see God's creations. I know today, for me, it was a great thing. I know it was a cow. I know that most people might think I'm crazy for thinking this was just such a beautiful thing, but it was. I even got to share it with my Momma. She showed up not too long after it was born. She got to see it brand new. She's not country at all so this was a neat thing for her to see too.
March 31, 2013
What you need....
Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes you feel like you are being kicked while you are already so far down you don't think you can take anymore. Then God gives you exactly what you need. For me, that was in the form of my best friend and her sweet family today. In case you don't already know, my best friend lives about 2 hours away. We have an email & phone relationship for the most part because travel is hard with her three kids and my one. Plus with that many kids, someone is almost always sick!
For the last three weeks I have had bronchitis. I have felt like crap. Talent had RSV somewhere in that time. It's just been one thing after another. Today, we celebrated Talent's birthday early. Cake, ice cream, family, presents, and my biggest and best surprise.....my BFF! Oh how I needed her. I'm usually the strong one in our relationship. I'm a natural nurturer...I take care of anyone that will let me. It's not always a healthy thing, but it's what I do best. Today, she got to play that role. God knew I needed her today. He knew I needed someone to be strong for me.
Sometimes the people that hurt you the most are the ones that you've known since birth. Today for me, that was the case. And you know, I've been hurt a lot by this person over the last several years. I've tried very hard to correct the situation and change whatever it is about me that "isn't enough".....but no matter what, nothing changes. But today, I realized that sometimes, God gives you exactly what you need. I realized that I have been blessed with amazing friends that LOVE my kid and LOVE me. Friends that want to be with my baby and love him and treat us like we are family. So sometimes, God knows exactly what you need. He sends you wonderful people to take the place of the ones that treat you badly. He sends you a best friend, like Shawna. Or an "Aunt Boo", for Talent, like my other bestie, Elizabeth. And sometimes he sends you a Jenny.....who has been a constant in my life for at least 12 years. Despite how my own flesh treats me at times, I have been blessed with some amazing "family" whether they are my blood or not. And I'd do anything for them and know they would do anything for me. I'm so glad that God knows what I need. I'm thankful for his timing today.
Shawna, Liz, & Jennifer......I love you all. Thank you for being my family. Thank you for being the best friends a girl could ever ask for. And thank you for loving me and my sweet little family. You all three mean the world to me and I thank God I have you in my life. I don't know what I did before I found you all. You each fill a different spot in my heart that needed filling and I'm so thankful you are there. I love you, I love you, I love you.
For the last three weeks I have had bronchitis. I have felt like crap. Talent had RSV somewhere in that time. It's just been one thing after another. Today, we celebrated Talent's birthday early. Cake, ice cream, family, presents, and my biggest and best surprise.....my BFF! Oh how I needed her. I'm usually the strong one in our relationship. I'm a natural nurturer...I take care of anyone that will let me. It's not always a healthy thing, but it's what I do best. Today, she got to play that role. God knew I needed her today. He knew I needed someone to be strong for me.
Sometimes the people that hurt you the most are the ones that you've known since birth. Today for me, that was the case. And you know, I've been hurt a lot by this person over the last several years. I've tried very hard to correct the situation and change whatever it is about me that "isn't enough".....but no matter what, nothing changes. But today, I realized that sometimes, God gives you exactly what you need. I realized that I have been blessed with amazing friends that LOVE my kid and LOVE me. Friends that want to be with my baby and love him and treat us like we are family. So sometimes, God knows exactly what you need. He sends you wonderful people to take the place of the ones that treat you badly. He sends you a best friend, like Shawna. Or an "Aunt Boo", for Talent, like my other bestie, Elizabeth. And sometimes he sends you a Jenny.....who has been a constant in my life for at least 12 years. Despite how my own flesh treats me at times, I have been blessed with some amazing "family" whether they are my blood or not. And I'd do anything for them and know they would do anything for me. I'm so glad that God knows what I need. I'm thankful for his timing today.
Shawna, Liz, & Jennifer......I love you all. Thank you for being my family. Thank you for being the best friends a girl could ever ask for. And thank you for loving me and my sweet little family. You all three mean the world to me and I thank God I have you in my life. I don't know what I did before I found you all. You each fill a different spot in my heart that needed filling and I'm so thankful you are there. I love you, I love you, I love you.
March 23, 2013
Blessed Beyond Measure
So a while back Seth and I had a really big argument. It isn't important what we argued about. What is important is that it made me stop and take a look at my attitude. I decided I needed to make a few changes. I know everyone knows I started this Bible study a few months ago. Well it sparked so much in me. I read Proverbs 31. Let me tell you, that woman in Proverbs 31 seems so unattainable. But, I decided maybe I could just try. Then I also went through and prayed over the verse in the Bible where it says women should be submissive to their husband. God spoke to me pretty sternly about that. I saw that I had been pretty disrespectful to my husband at times. He didn't deserve it. He works so hard for us and so hard so I can stay home and not work. It was time for me to try a little harder. So I set out on a mission to be more like the wife God intended me to be.
I started trying to keep up with the laundry better. Making the bed every single day. Having his favorite meals fixed when he gets home. (I even made okra!) And I took on feeding the cows. I have started asking him what I can do to help him each day. I've been really trying. And I think it's making a big difference in my marriage.
Yesterday I woke up to find a big box sitting in my spot at the table. It was wrapped in newspaper. It had a note written in red marker that said, "Because I love u & you're a great wife & mom". I opened it up and found a brand new laptop computer. Now for those of you that don't know my husband, he's not much into gift giving. I usually don't get things for Valentine's day. On our anniversary we don't do gifts, we go out. And for my birthday I typically go buy my own gift. Christmas is usually the only time I get things. So for this to be a just because thing, I felt really special. And it made me feel like I am finally doing what I should have been doing all along. Loving him the way he needed to be loved. He's showing more affection. He's being more patient. I'm happy with where things are going. I'm so glad I've decided to change my attitude.
I started trying to keep up with the laundry better. Making the bed every single day. Having his favorite meals fixed when he gets home. (I even made okra!) And I took on feeding the cows. I have started asking him what I can do to help him each day. I've been really trying. And I think it's making a big difference in my marriage.
Yesterday I woke up to find a big box sitting in my spot at the table. It was wrapped in newspaper. It had a note written in red marker that said, "Because I love u & you're a great wife & mom". I opened it up and found a brand new laptop computer. Now for those of you that don't know my husband, he's not much into gift giving. I usually don't get things for Valentine's day. On our anniversary we don't do gifts, we go out. And for my birthday I typically go buy my own gift. Christmas is usually the only time I get things. So for this to be a just because thing, I felt really special. And it made me feel like I am finally doing what I should have been doing all along. Loving him the way he needed to be loved. He's showing more affection. He's being more patient. I'm happy with where things are going. I'm so glad I've decided to change my attitude.
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