30 days of thankfulness.

It's that time of year again. If you've followed me for a few years you know that each November for the last several I've done a 30 days of thankfulness to help me focus on the positive because I lost several loved ones in the month of November all in one year. It was a hard year for me with many losses. I remember that entire year as the year that Thursday's hated me. Every Thursday in that November I lost a loved one or two. It was hard. The next year I started this project to keep me positive and not let myself slip into a negative sad place that would have been easy to wallow into. 

Most people do this challenge on facebook and it gets really old really fast. I choose to do it on my blog. Some things I am thankful for seem silly and superficial. Some are very deep and meaningful. They all are very real to me. 

Christmas came early.

When I was a little girl about 9 years old, my Grandma Inez gave me a set of China dishes and then made me to afraid to ever touch them. They have been sitting in my china cabinet since Seth and I got married almost 10 years ago. Even now that she's gone, I'm too afraid to use them. I know, it sounds so silly. But, if you knew my Grandma, you'd totally understand. 

My Mammaw on the other hand has always had a china cabinet that she used dishes out of regularly. When we were little and would stay with her, she would take us to have break with Pawpaw at the grocery store. We never ever got to finish our candy or soda while at the store. But, when we got home she would take out these fancy little glasses that were in her china cabinet and we got to finish our soda and candy in style! Mammaw always said, "Don't save it for a special occasion. use it. Being with your family is special." 

My Mammaw and Pawpaw have moved in with m parents recently and they are distributing some of the things they want their loved ones to have. I was there last week and Mammaw offered me her new china hutch. I was so excited. I have had her very first hutch for the last 10 years and while I love it, a bigger one was such a nice offer. Then a few days later I was at Mom's and there were boxes waiting for me that said "Denisa China" & "Denisa Glass China". I had Daddy load them into my trunk and I left them there for a few days. 

I had been really sick this week so I hadn't been able to get the boxes out and see what all was in them until tonight. I finally felt like I had enough energy to get the boxes out and go through them. I opened up the box marked "glass" and found some of my Mammaw's delicate glassware that was engraved with floral designs. Some of it I remember from when I was little. Then I opened the bigger box. The one my heart was truly dying to see what was inside. It was filled with her 8 piece serving set of white china with gold edges. I took out each piece carefully and examined it, knowing that my Mammaw had packed it away doing the exact thing I was doing now. The tears were burning my eyes. I had this beautiful china that I had grown up with in my world. Something I had always wanted and always loved. Something that means more to me than anyone else could ever understand. After I got it all unpacked and put away, I FaceTimed my Mammaw and showed her that I had it all out away and told her thank you. I know most people don't understand or appreciate the bond I have with my Red, but, this china was Christmas for me. For the rest of my life. It means more to me than anything else I could ever ask for. 

So, I'm going to plan a meal soon and use my beautiful new dishes. Because around here, we don't save things for a special occasion. Being with the ones you love is special. Every single day is a gift and I've learned that from one of the greatest blessings God ever gave me. My Mammaw is one of my best gifts and I am so thankful. 

He's a Hero

This week I was cleaning and I discovered some old CD's. Yes, I realize I am a dying breed. I still buy CD's to this day. Anyway, I have been listening to them for days on end. I just started putting then all on my computer. I discovered an old SheDaisy CD...Sweet Right Here. I loved their music. They became popular when I was a senior in high school. I own every cd they ever put out. Sweet Right Here has a hidden song on it called "He's A Hero". It is one of the most beautiful songs ever and it reminded me of my Pawpaw tonight.

My Pawpaw has always been this amazing, strong, loving individual. He's always served God in every way possible. He always took in anyone that needed anything. He has loved my Mammaw with every fiber of his being. And he has taught us all how to live a life for Christ, love our spouse, and how to be a wonderful, loving parent. He's amazing. I think I've always considered him mine, and just mine. You see, when I was about 18 months old I had a very rare disease and doctors weren't really sure if I was going to make it. I had Kawasaki's Disease. At the time, not many people knew anything about it. They flew me to Children's in OKC and they flew in an Asian doctor to treat me. At the time this disease was more prevalent in Asian children. This doctor either knew what he was doing or my Pawpaw and God talked enough that God said, "Okay, Dean, I give. You can keep her." I'm not sure which was the case really. But, I do know that my Pawpaw prayed for me a lot during that time. Our relationship has always been very strong. I've always been his and he's always been mine. Just to prove how special our bond is...he gets to call me Denise....yes, DenisE. NO ONE ever calls me Denise without getting their head bitten off. But, Pawpaw does and he gets away with it every single time.

Anyway, Pawpaw has been having a hard year this year. He has been having trouble with his heart and it has been my turn to sit and talk to God. God and I have talked a LOT and I don't know why everyone doubts that he's listening. But, I have always been told that all you need is faith like a mustard seed. Well, I have that faith. My Pawpaw may have gotten knocked down this year, but, I know he's going to be just fine. He's tough and he's a fighter. I know that it has been hard for everyone to see him not be the strong one for the first time. But, sometimes, the strong ones need a rest. That's all this is. It's a rest. He's going to get back up and carry on like before. He just needs a minute to catch his breath. I guess I get it because I am just like him in so many ways. I am expected to be the strong one for everyone. I don't get to ever have a rest either and to be honest, it isn't fair. Having to be the strong one for everyone sucks. Everyone always needs you and needs your shoulder and let me tell you, your shoulders get tired after a while. My Pawpaw is 82 this year in December. 82 years of being the strong one should get you a year off in my opinion.

"He's A Hero"

He's a young man
In his golden years
His hair of black now quickly fades to gray
The limp as he walks is his only souvenir
From those purple-hearted war time days

But you don't hear him complain
No matter how the fall
I don't have a lot, he'd smile and say
But lord I have it all

He's a hero
In my mother's eyes
He taught her how to raise me right
and never compromise
He always says he has the
finer things in life
Somewhere to live, someone to love
and the Good book to live by

Some say his heart is big
All though his fortune's small
I don't have a lot, he'd smile and say
But lord I have it all

A rembrandt in his own right
A master at his craft
Creating something beautiful
A memory that will last
And always last

He's the constant
In our family
Beginning this long line of love
We've cared
And even when he's gone he'll watch over me
When I close my eyes at night I feel him there

Wear my name, well my child
Be true and stand tall
You don't have a lot he'd always say
But lord you have it all

You don't have a lot he'd always say
But thank the Lord you have it all

Hero in my mother's eyes

Happy Birthday, Booie!

Many years ago I was blessed to meet my best friend, Booie. It was long before she had her son and even before I was out of school. We started out just as acquaintances, she worked with my Mom at the law office. I occasionally borrowed fancy dresses for prom or Valentine's banquets. After she had Hunter we started getting to know each other better. 

Through the years we have become great friends. She wanted to start teaching yoga and I decided I would go and let her teach me. We became very close. She has taught me yoga off and on for over 10 years. She taught me while I was pregnant. Her voice has a calming effect on me and so I had her in the room while I was in labor. I swear if I could have our cool down on tape I would be able to fall asleep much easier at night. 

Anyway, Liz is the kind of friend I can talk to about anything and everything. I've never had someone that I could be friends with and not have to constantly take care of. Liz is that friend. We take care of each other. We are honest and open with each other and it is the most freeing relationship I've ever had. I've never had a friend that is like her. 

I can say I'm blessed beyond what I deserve to have her in my life. If there is ever a need, Liz is there and ready to help. If there is anything going on, she is there to listen. If my family needs prayers, Booie is praying. Liz doesn't just do for my little family. When my Mom had surgery a few years ago she sent a gift basket of gift cards to resturants around town so my Dad didn't have to cook and they didn't have to worry about all of that. She is the most thoughtful and caring person there is. I can never truly express to her how much she means to me. 

Today is Booie's birthday and I hope she is celebrated big. There are so many people, just like me, that she has touched. So many people that love her just as much as I do. She is pretty special. So, Liz, if you are reading this, know that you are loved and hold a very special place in my heart. Happy Birthday! 

Happy

The last few months have been hard. Not in a way that I've been able to put into words, until today. My Pawpaw has been battling his heart....literally. He went to the ER a while back for chest pains and thins have just gone up and down since. He was admitted for pneumonia and all kinds of crap. It all ended up landing him in and operating room having a pacemaker placed. 

I can be honest and say if there is anyone in my life I've ever actually been scared to lose, it's my grandparents. Sure, I know someday it's going to happen and when that day comes, I will be shattered. I've already lost my grandparents in my Daddy's side. But the relationship I had with them wasn't like what I have with my Mammaw & Pawpaw. 

This heart thing has been the first time I've ever had to really stop and see my Pawpaw weak. He's never been weak before. But during the last few months he's slept a lot. He hasn't been able to make his own plate somedays, and he's had trouble preaching. Seeing him struggle has been hard, and eye opening for me. 

But this week all of that weakness changed. He had a procedure that helped him to get his energy back. It changed how he felt. He is already up and running around, aggravating people. He's back to his usual self and my heart has never been so full and happy. 

Years ago we were introduced to a heart doctor named Basham Saliba. He had to do some work on my favorite uncle. Anyway, he placed a pacemaker in my Uncle Joe and did some other work on him. He was kind. We remembered him. Then my dad started having heart issues and needed to see a cardiologist. We chose to see Dr. Saliba. He was still the kindest doctor. Almost 5 years ago my Daddy had a heart attack after a neck surgery. Dr. Saliba saved his life. He became our friend. Now this year he started work in my Pawpaw. He has placed a pacemaker and also shocked Pawpaw's heart. He has been there to help comfort us through all of these hard times. He's been honest and sweet. He has been an incredible doctor. I thank God for providing Dr. Saliba with the talents that he has and I really am thankful that God placed him in our path. We have truly been blessed by this man. 

I sent out texts and emails before Pawpaw went in on Tuesday asking my friends to pray.  I never realized how many people cared and prayed for me until Tuesday morning. Around the time I had told them all that the procedure would start I started receiving texts and messages saying, "Paying now...6:37 am" or "praying for peace and also that the procedure goes great"....what wonderful people God blessed my life with. I can tell you that I did not feel anything but completely covered I prayer that day. 

When the procedure was over the doctor told us that Pawpaw would feel better that day. He said not to baby him and that by Friday he would be ready to fish. Well, that's just what he did today. I can tell you this, the photos I received of him fishing showed a man that was ecstatic to be back to doing what he loves. Today, my heart is full. God has taken care of my Pawpaw. He still has work for him to do, I know. I've told my Pawpaw he's going to be around till he's 192! He always laughs and says he hopes so.