Stress

So anyone that knows me knows I deal with stress in a few different ways. This morning after I finished feeding Talent his breakfast I put him in his room to play and watch his little tv shows. Then I came to my sanctuary in the kitchen and began baking.

Lately the stresses of being a one income family have been weighing heavily on me. I feel like we have no money a lot of times and feel helpless about it because I don't have a "real job". It's so stressful. I could easily go get one. I've been told by the store manager at walmart that if I want a job (ever) to just call and I have one. I know he means it. I've worked for him in the past and I overheard him telling someone that I was "one of the best hands you could have work for you." so I know I can get a job. But what's the point in getting one when we would have to pay for child care? Child care would cost as much as I would make. And Seth and I really don't want someone else watching our kid.

So you see, I'm stuck. Wanting to help my little family an no way to really do so. It is such a jar thing for me. In a "fixer" and I just can't seem to fix this. I can't seem to make it always be okay and it makes me crazy. So today I am baking to relieve a little bit of the stress. To try and get my mind off of it.

So Talent will get to enjoy his first cupcake later today. It should be a big mess. I'm glad I will get to be here to see it.

One year...

A year ago today was one of the most terrifying days of my life.

My Daddy went in to have surgery on his neck to fix a couple of bones that were in need of repair. From everything the doctor doing the surgery said it was pretty routine and he did thousands of these surgeries a year. He did say there was risk of heart attack but that he had never had a patient suffer from one so he wasn't concerned but he did have to let us know it was a risk with the surgery. Daddy went back and they performed the surgery. I was 6 months pregnant and refused to leave until I saw with my own eyes that he was okay. So reluctantly they let me back to see him in recovery. I fed him ice chips and found him some water finally. I felt comfortable with what I saw and went home. That was in the middle of the afternoon.

Later that evening at around 7:30 my Mom called and said that Dad was having some chest pains and they were doing some tests. Seth was on his way home from work. He had been working all day. I called him hysterical. My Daddy was having a heart attack and I was 30 miles away. Mom told me to come as soon as I could but to wait for Seth and not to drive because I tend to speed in times like that. Seth got home and we left. On the way there Mom called again and said they were taking Daddy back for emergency surgery. I made it to Lawton right after they took him back. I was a wreck. But in true "Denisa" fashion I kept it together until my Uncle Peaches called me. I was strong for my Mom, my grandparents, and my brother who was in Illinois. It felt like a nightmare.

Seth stayed until we saw the doctor and I knew my Daddy was okay. Then I sent him home. I stayed until I got to see my Daddy. I got to see them wheel him out of the operating room and to the ICU department. I waited til they said I could go back and see him. Once I knew he was okay I let my Uncle Joe take me home. I went to the hospital every single day he was there. I was so thankful to Dr. Mark Duncan for leaving his family to come and be with mine. And I was so grateful to Dr. Saliba and Dr. Pariq (not sure I spelled that right) for getting through the blockage and making sure my Daddy lived. Because of these men I still have my Daddy. Talent has his Poppy and my life is so blessed. I font know if these men know how much they mean to my family....or to me. But in my eyes they are heroes. They saved the life of the first man I ever loved.

So today I just wanted to say I'm thankful to have had the last year I've had with my Daddy. I know it could have been a lot worse. And I'm so thankful it wasn't.

Day 30

Well it's day 30. And today I'm posting about one of the people that means the most to me. My Uncle Joe.

My Uncle Joe is probably the person in my life I am closest to outside of my immediate family. I can vividly remember when I was tiny, sitting in his lap and him teaching me how to color. He and I have always had a very close relationship. He taught me about art and even though he's stubborn and won't paint or draw anymore, he still would take the time to show me things. He always took an interest in my artwork and kept anything and everything I drew or painted and gave to him. He has always been there to teach me all sorts of things. Any time a boy told me I couldn't do something because I was a girl, my Uncle Joe taught me how to do whatever it was they said I couldn't do. I remember when some of Seth's friends said I couldn't shoot a bow because I was a girl. I called my Uncle Joe and on his next days off we shot bows. He teaches me lots of cool stuff. He takes me shooting guns. He went and took me to get my concealed carry license. He's just such a great man. His children are all idiots. They don't see what they are missing out on. But I do. I see the wonderful guy he is and I have a great relationship with him and I'm so thankful for it. I am thankful that my child will know him and loves him already.

So to end my 30 days of thankfulness I'm so very thankful to have someone as wonderful as my Uncle Joe in my life. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect Uncle. He is my favorite and I don't really care who knows it. I'm pretty transparent when it comes to that anyway. I love him and I'm glad I have him. I hope he knows just how much he means to me and just how glad I am to have him. He's always been someone I've looked up to. Always someone I've been proud to call mine. I love you, Uncle Joe. Thank you for just being you. Thank you for being the best Uncle a girl could ever wish for.

Day 29

<p>I'm so thankful for my ability to hear. I say that and I know it sounds terrible. Let me explain. I have friends that are hearing impaired. And while their language fascinates me, the thought of not being able to hear music or my childs voice pains me.

You see I love being able to hear. It is a luxury that I'm sure most of us take for granted every single day of our lives. But I've thought about this and I've thought about it often. I don't know what my life would be like if I couldn't hear. I love being able to listen to my music. It is the one thing that can always make me feel normal. And to hear my son screaming his little boy babble....there is no sweeter sound in the world. I just can't imagine not hearing. So I'm very thankful today for the ability to hear.

Day 28

Today I'm so thankful for the roof over my head. My husband and I have put a new roof on our house. It's a beautiful metal roof. But we've done all the work. Seth used to do metal roofing as a job....so we decided we could save money doing it ourselves. Today we got it all the way down to the last two pieces and had to stop. Frustrating....but it will get done.

I'm thankful we have a roof over our heads. A place to call "home" and a place to raise our family. I know a lot of people aren't as fortunate and that is so sad to me. I'm thankful that we are able to have a place to call our own. So today that is my "thankful"....