I will not say goodbye.

Tonight has been hard for me. Seth's great Aunt Billie passed away a few months ago and to be honest, I've tried to push it aside and help the ones I love to deal with their hurt. After all, I only had Billie for 11 years and they had her for their whole lives. But tonight they had a gathering at her house because it is time to sell it. They wanted everyone to come over and find something that they wanted to take home that was special to them. 

When I first arrived at Billie's I was overwhelmed with emotion. It took me a few minutes to get myself back in line. The biggest part of me wanted to just sit down and bawl. There were boxes everywhere. Almost all of Billie's decorations were gone. It was just so clear that she was gone. I know, I know....she died months ago. But I haven't let myself grieve and come to terms with it really. So walking in to her home and all of her stuff being in boxes, well, it was hard in my heart. For the first time ever at Billie's house the tv wasn't on and there was no sound of sports coming from "Gene's room" as all the ladies gathered in the kitchen. It was just hard for me. 

Going through all of her things felt strange. I know she would want us all to have something. But it just felt weird asking for anything of hers. Especially since I didn't have her as long as everyone else. But I can say I am so thankful that I was able to be there. I got to spend time with my favorite "Gandy Girls" and they sent us home with some beautiful things that will always remind me of Billie and Gene. 

If you've ever seen any if our Christmas photos you've probably seen her Christmas tree. Billie loved Christmas and her tree was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. It was huge, at least 7 ft or taller, and covered in fake snow. She had "snow" under it also for the presents to sit on. The ornaments were always so beautiful and absolutely perfect. It was my favorite part of Christmas. Seeing that tree, I had never seen anything like it before in my life, well, except in movies. I was able to pick some ornaments from the tree tonight to keep and place on our own tree for the years to come. One in particular caught my eye. I don't know if maybe I am just weird or if know one else caught it. There was a clear ball with "snow" on top of it that reminded me if Billie's tree. I had to have it. If I got no other ornaments, I wanted that one. I also got a few icicles because those were a popular item on Billie's tree every year. These ornaments are going to be such a special thing to me. I am so thankful I was given the opportunity to pick ornaments from Billie's collection. 

This family that I married into is so special to me. I love them and cherish the relationships that I have made with each of them. The girls--Lisa, Tisha, & Shannon...I feel so connected to them even though, except for Lisa, we live so far apart. We always enjoy our time together and have so much fun just being ourselves and making jokes. I love them so dearly. And the aunts/cousins or whatever they are....they may be a little crazy at times, but, it's a good crazy. They have all taken me in and made me feel like I am truly one of the "Gandy Girls" and for that, I can never thank them enough. I have been blessed by this family in ways my heart was never truly prepared for. I am so thankful that God sent me such an amazing husband with so many wonderful people in his family. 

So tonight as I've sat here and finally cried my tears for Billie, I am reminded of a song by Danny Gokey called "I will not say goodbye"---these words keep coming to me. 

"I will laugh, I will cry, shake my fist at the sky, but I will not say goodbye."

Boo.

A wise woman once told me, "Relationships are like a bank account, you can't let someone withdraw more than they deposit." I've often thought back to this when looking at my friendships. This friend has been such a huge influence on the woman I am today. She has taught me about forgiveness, love, what it really means to be a friend, and so much more. I can honestly say, I have grown so much in the 16+ years that I have known her. The last three years we have gotten even closer and I consider her to be one of my closest and most cherished friends. She's more like a sister to me, actually.

My life was richly blessed when Elizabeth walked into it all those years ago. She recently went on a two week trip to Italy. I've never felt so alone. I talk to Liz almost every day. We see each other at least once a week. I work hard to preserve this friendship because it is one of the most important friendships I've ever had. Liz and I have become such good friends and I'm so thankful to have someone like her in my life. Someone that answers the phone, even if it's midnight, and is always there if I need a shoulder or a friend. Someone that feels comfortable enough with me to give me the hard truths that I need to hear sometimes.

I know this seems like a sappy post, I'm just thankful for such a great friend. There has been so much going on the last month or so. Elizabeth has been there for anything and everything I've needed and I don't know how I could ever thank her. I hope that I deposit as much as I withdraw...because God knows I cherish this friendship. So, Booie, if you're reading this, please know that I love you. I'm so very thankful for the friendship that you and I have. You have shown me so much over the last several years and taught me so much. I don't know how I could ever repay you for all of your kindness and friendship. But, I know that if there is ever anything you need, I'm here. Always. There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for you. I love you more than you know.

I never loved anyone so much.

Nine years ago yesterday I walked down the aisle of my tiny church and changed my name and my life...forever. 

May 7, 2005 was a day that started the best years of my life. I married a man that I loved so very much. Even still he makes me laugh, aggravates me to no end, and makes me happy in a way I never thought possible. He is one of the very best things to ever happen to me. 

I knew when I saw him across that basketball court eleven years ago that there was something different about him. He was beautiful. I hated basketball with every fiber of my being. But, I have grown to love it because he does. I am so glad I went to that game. 

Yes there are days he makes me want to smack him. There are days that I can't help but look at him and wonder what I did to deserve someone so truly wonderful. Then there are days that I am so overwhelmed with the amazing man I am lucky enough to call my husband. 

Like a few weeks ago when my dog died. I had such a hard time with that. I still have days that really suck. But my sweet husband was kind enough to be strong for me and not make fun of my tears. He was sweet enough to let me go with him to bury my dog and he let me pet him one last time and say my goodbyes. He didn't rush me along and make me feel dumb because it was a dog. He was compassionate in a moment when I needed that the most. 

Then there are times like when we were at the hospital with our son. I see my husband's face filled with as much worry and fear as I feel. I see as much concern on his face as I hear going in my head. My heart is full of love for this man that loves our child as much as I do. 

And now as I type I hear him in the living room tickling and laughing with Talent. They are playing and having a blast together. He loves our child and to see them together just makes me fall in love all over again. 

My husband is not an easy person to get to know. He doesn't let people close to him. But, if he cares for someone, it shows. He loves with all he has. He is an amazing man. 

For nine years I've been married to an amazing husband, friend, provider, love, comforter, supporter, and defender. He is so many things to me and I hope he knows just how much I thank God for sending him to me. Eleven years as a couple...nine years married....I've never loved anyone so much. 

Buttons & Beaus!

My dear friends Gabby and Kevin Bolton are the proud parents of a precious three-year old boy, Kevin. Kevin, born on February 2^nd, 2011, is a high-energy toddler who loves nothing more than to spend his days on the golf course or driving range. On March 19, 2014, everything changed for Gabby and Kevin, when what started as a high fever turned into a nightmare as they received the awful news no parent wants to hear, "Your son has cancer." After a doctor’s visit where Kevin’s blood was checked to determine what type of viral infection he had and a ambulance ride at night to the children’s hospital, Kevin was diagnosed by a hematologist with acute lymphocyte leukemia. Kevin has already endured a bone marrow biopsy and his first round of chemo. He has many more rounds of chemo, spinal taps, and biopsy to brave as he battles leukemia. In a situation that most adults would find difficult to face, Kevin has handled everything like a champ. However, this is only the beginning of a long and emotional journey for Kevin and his family.

          The Bolton family is in need of our support and prayers, so Buttons and Beaus are joining the fight to help Kevin beat cancer. Therefore, we will be offering two items from our website for a $5.00 donation to Kevin’s family. The full proceeds of any fairy dust & wand or lego necklaces purchased will be donated to the Bolton family. In addition, 20% of all sales until May 31, 2014 will also be donated to the Bolton family in order for the the family to stay focused on Kevin’s battle rather than the financial burdens they will incur.

           Use code Help Kevin Fight to donate 20% of your purchase, receive free shipping and leave a message for Kevin and his family!

Click Buttons & Beaus to shop!

 

 

Please do whatever you can to help spread this message and also to help send people to Buttons & Beaus to shop! This is a great store, doing a wonderful thing to help a child in need. If it was my child, or yours, you'd want everyone you know sharing this far and wide! So, please, spread the word, let's help this family!

 

 

Sirens grab my heart....

Pretty much everyone knows that my Pawpaw Bazil passed away 8 years ago. He was a firefighter and had a fireman's funeral. Every time I hear sirens my heart stops. I am always taken back to the day we buried my Pawpaw and the "final call" they did on the radio at the end of the funeral.

When Seth is off work we sometimes go out to eat with his Dad during his lunch hour. Most of the time we go eat pizza at Mazzio's. I've started noticing that most times when we are there, there are firemen there. This week we were there and I noticed that a truck full of firemen came in to eat lunch. I always notice them. I have a soft spot in my heart for them, naturally. This time, they barely got their food and sat down and the walkie went off, calling them out to a fire. They got up, left their food, and ran to the fire truck. The sirens started, the truck pulled out, and they were off. Their food sat as they went off to save a structure, nature, or whatever the fire had engulfed.

I write this blog about the firemen today because this is something I have seen more than once. Firemen leaving their food or coming back to cold food because of a fire. Firemen having to put their lives on the line to save someone or some structure or nature from danger. It's a job they choose. It's a job that they love. It's a life.....I know this because I remember just how very much my Pawpaw loved it. People don't get to see this part very often. I am so thankful that my life was blessed by a fireman.

When Seth and I were first married, maybe 7 years ago, there was a fire that came through and burned our entire pasture. It came within 6 feet of our house, 2 feet of our propane tank, and burned our fence around the pasture to the ground. Without the firemen that came to our house that day, I could have lost my husband. Seth was sleeping that day because he was working nights. It is still one of the most vivid and scary memories I have.

These firemen go out and put their lives on the line every single day. They get home late, miss many meals, have very sore bodies, and they miss so much time with their families. I hope that they know just how much they are appreciated for all that they do. Seeing the men at Mazzio's get up and leave their plates this week and not hesitate even a second, just shows me how dedicated they are to their jobs. I have a great respect for them. They all deserve a pat on the back and a "thank you" when they least expect it.