He's a Hero

This week I was cleaning and I discovered some old CD's. Yes, I realize I am a dying breed. I still buy CD's to this day. Anyway, I have been listening to them for days on end. I just started putting then all on my computer. I discovered an old SheDaisy CD...Sweet Right Here. I loved their music. They became popular when I was a senior in high school. I own every cd they ever put out. Sweet Right Here has a hidden song on it called "He's A Hero". It is one of the most beautiful songs ever and it reminded me of my Pawpaw tonight.

My Pawpaw has always been this amazing, strong, loving individual. He's always served God in every way possible. He always took in anyone that needed anything. He has loved my Mammaw with every fiber of his being. And he has taught us all how to live a life for Christ, love our spouse, and how to be a wonderful, loving parent. He's amazing. I think I've always considered him mine, and just mine. You see, when I was about 18 months old I had a very rare disease and doctors weren't really sure if I was going to make it. I had Kawasaki's Disease. At the time, not many people knew anything about it. They flew me to Children's in OKC and they flew in an Asian doctor to treat me. At the time this disease was more prevalent in Asian children. This doctor either knew what he was doing or my Pawpaw and God talked enough that God said, "Okay, Dean, I give. You can keep her." I'm not sure which was the case really. But, I do know that my Pawpaw prayed for me a lot during that time. Our relationship has always been very strong. I've always been his and he's always been mine. Just to prove how special our bond is...he gets to call me Denise....yes, DenisE. NO ONE ever calls me Denise without getting their head bitten off. But, Pawpaw does and he gets away with it every single time.

Anyway, Pawpaw has been having a hard year this year. He has been having trouble with his heart and it has been my turn to sit and talk to God. God and I have talked a LOT and I don't know why everyone doubts that he's listening. But, I have always been told that all you need is faith like a mustard seed. Well, I have that faith. My Pawpaw may have gotten knocked down this year, but, I know he's going to be just fine. He's tough and he's a fighter. I know that it has been hard for everyone to see him not be the strong one for the first time. But, sometimes, the strong ones need a rest. That's all this is. It's a rest. He's going to get back up and carry on like before. He just needs a minute to catch his breath. I guess I get it because I am just like him in so many ways. I am expected to be the strong one for everyone. I don't get to ever have a rest either and to be honest, it isn't fair. Having to be the strong one for everyone sucks. Everyone always needs you and needs your shoulder and let me tell you, your shoulders get tired after a while. My Pawpaw is 82 this year in December. 82 years of being the strong one should get you a year off in my opinion.

"He's A Hero"

He's a young man
In his golden years
His hair of black now quickly fades to gray
The limp as he walks is his only souvenir
From those purple-hearted war time days

But you don't hear him complain
No matter how the fall
I don't have a lot, he'd smile and say
But lord I have it all

He's a hero
In my mother's eyes
He taught her how to raise me right
and never compromise
He always says he has the
finer things in life
Somewhere to live, someone to love
and the Good book to live by

Some say his heart is big
All though his fortune's small
I don't have a lot, he'd smile and say
But lord I have it all

A rembrandt in his own right
A master at his craft
Creating something beautiful
A memory that will last
And always last

He's the constant
In our family
Beginning this long line of love
We've cared
And even when he's gone he'll watch over me
When I close my eyes at night I feel him there

Wear my name, well my child
Be true and stand tall
You don't have a lot he'd always say
But lord you have it all

You don't have a lot he'd always say
But thank the Lord you have it all

Hero in my mother's eyes

Happy Birthday, Booie!

Many years ago I was blessed to meet my best friend, Booie. It was long before she had her son and even before I was out of school. We started out just as acquaintances, she worked with my Mom at the law office. I occasionally borrowed fancy dresses for prom or Valentine's banquets. After she had Hunter we started getting to know each other better. 

Through the years we have become great friends. She wanted to start teaching yoga and I decided I would go and let her teach me. We became very close. She has taught me yoga off and on for over 10 years. She taught me while I was pregnant. Her voice has a calming effect on me and so I had her in the room while I was in labor. I swear if I could have our cool down on tape I would be able to fall asleep much easier at night. 

Anyway, Liz is the kind of friend I can talk to about anything and everything. I've never had someone that I could be friends with and not have to constantly take care of. Liz is that friend. We take care of each other. We are honest and open with each other and it is the most freeing relationship I've ever had. I've never had a friend that is like her. 

I can say I'm blessed beyond what I deserve to have her in my life. If there is ever a need, Liz is there and ready to help. If there is anything going on, she is there to listen. If my family needs prayers, Booie is praying. Liz doesn't just do for my little family. When my Mom had surgery a few years ago she sent a gift basket of gift cards to resturants around town so my Dad didn't have to cook and they didn't have to worry about all of that. She is the most thoughtful and caring person there is. I can never truly express to her how much she means to me. 

Today is Booie's birthday and I hope she is celebrated big. There are so many people, just like me, that she has touched. So many people that love her just as much as I do. She is pretty special. So, Liz, if you are reading this, know that you are loved and hold a very special place in my heart. Happy Birthday! 

Happy

The last few months have been hard. Not in a way that I've been able to put into words, until today. My Pawpaw has been battling his heart....literally. He went to the ER a while back for chest pains and thins have just gone up and down since. He was admitted for pneumonia and all kinds of crap. It all ended up landing him in and operating room having a pacemaker placed. 

I can be honest and say if there is anyone in my life I've ever actually been scared to lose, it's my grandparents. Sure, I know someday it's going to happen and when that day comes, I will be shattered. I've already lost my grandparents in my Daddy's side. But the relationship I had with them wasn't like what I have with my Mammaw & Pawpaw. 

This heart thing has been the first time I've ever had to really stop and see my Pawpaw weak. He's never been weak before. But during the last few months he's slept a lot. He hasn't been able to make his own plate somedays, and he's had trouble preaching. Seeing him struggle has been hard, and eye opening for me. 

But this week all of that weakness changed. He had a procedure that helped him to get his energy back. It changed how he felt. He is already up and running around, aggravating people. He's back to his usual self and my heart has never been so full and happy. 

Years ago we were introduced to a heart doctor named Basham Saliba. He had to do some work on my favorite uncle. Anyway, he placed a pacemaker in my Uncle Joe and did some other work on him. He was kind. We remembered him. Then my dad started having heart issues and needed to see a cardiologist. We chose to see Dr. Saliba. He was still the kindest doctor. Almost 5 years ago my Daddy had a heart attack after a neck surgery. Dr. Saliba saved his life. He became our friend. Now this year he started work in my Pawpaw. He has placed a pacemaker and also shocked Pawpaw's heart. He has been there to help comfort us through all of these hard times. He's been honest and sweet. He has been an incredible doctor. I thank God for providing Dr. Saliba with the talents that he has and I really am thankful that God placed him in our path. We have truly been blessed by this man. 

I sent out texts and emails before Pawpaw went in on Tuesday asking my friends to pray.  I never realized how many people cared and prayed for me until Tuesday morning. Around the time I had told them all that the procedure would start I started receiving texts and messages saying, "Paying now...6:37 am" or "praying for peace and also that the procedure goes great"....what wonderful people God blessed my life with. I can tell you that I did not feel anything but completely covered I prayer that day. 

When the procedure was over the doctor told us that Pawpaw would feel better that day. He said not to baby him and that by Friday he would be ready to fish. Well, that's just what he did today. I can tell you this, the photos I received of him fishing showed a man that was ecstatic to be back to doing what he loves. Today, my heart is full. God has taken care of my Pawpaw. He still has work for him to do, I know. I've told my Pawpaw he's going to be around till he's 192! He always laughs and says he hopes so. 

 

I will not say goodbye.

Tonight has been hard for me. Seth's great Aunt Billie passed away a few months ago and to be honest, I've tried to push it aside and help the ones I love to deal with their hurt. After all, I only had Billie for 11 years and they had her for their whole lives. But tonight they had a gathering at her house because it is time to sell it. They wanted everyone to come over and find something that they wanted to take home that was special to them. 

When I first arrived at Billie's I was overwhelmed with emotion. It took me a few minutes to get myself back in line. The biggest part of me wanted to just sit down and bawl. There were boxes everywhere. Almost all of Billie's decorations were gone. It was just so clear that she was gone. I know, I know....she died months ago. But I haven't let myself grieve and come to terms with it really. So walking in to her home and all of her stuff being in boxes, well, it was hard in my heart. For the first time ever at Billie's house the tv wasn't on and there was no sound of sports coming from "Gene's room" as all the ladies gathered in the kitchen. It was just hard for me. 

Going through all of her things felt strange. I know she would want us all to have something. But it just felt weird asking for anything of hers. Especially since I didn't have her as long as everyone else. But I can say I am so thankful that I was able to be there. I got to spend time with my favorite "Gandy Girls" and they sent us home with some beautiful things that will always remind me of Billie and Gene. 

If you've ever seen any if our Christmas photos you've probably seen her Christmas tree. Billie loved Christmas and her tree was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. It was huge, at least 7 ft or taller, and covered in fake snow. She had "snow" under it also for the presents to sit on. The ornaments were always so beautiful and absolutely perfect. It was my favorite part of Christmas. Seeing that tree, I had never seen anything like it before in my life, well, except in movies. I was able to pick some ornaments from the tree tonight to keep and place on our own tree for the years to come. One in particular caught my eye. I don't know if maybe I am just weird or if know one else caught it. There was a clear ball with "snow" on top of it that reminded me if Billie's tree. I had to have it. If I got no other ornaments, I wanted that one. I also got a few icicles because those were a popular item on Billie's tree every year. These ornaments are going to be such a special thing to me. I am so thankful I was given the opportunity to pick ornaments from Billie's collection. 

This family that I married into is so special to me. I love them and cherish the relationships that I have made with each of them. The girls--Lisa, Tisha, & Shannon...I feel so connected to them even though, except for Lisa, we live so far apart. We always enjoy our time together and have so much fun just being ourselves and making jokes. I love them so dearly. And the aunts/cousins or whatever they are....they may be a little crazy at times, but, it's a good crazy. They have all taken me in and made me feel like I am truly one of the "Gandy Girls" and for that, I can never thank them enough. I have been blessed by this family in ways my heart was never truly prepared for. I am so thankful that God sent me such an amazing husband with so many wonderful people in his family. 

So tonight as I've sat here and finally cried my tears for Billie, I am reminded of a song by Danny Gokey called "I will not say goodbye"---these words keep coming to me. 

"I will laugh, I will cry, shake my fist at the sky, but I will not say goodbye."

Boo.

A wise woman once told me, "Relationships are like a bank account, you can't let someone withdraw more than they deposit." I've often thought back to this when looking at my friendships. This friend has been such a huge influence on the woman I am today. She has taught me about forgiveness, love, what it really means to be a friend, and so much more. I can honestly say, I have grown so much in the 16+ years that I have known her. The last three years we have gotten even closer and I consider her to be one of my closest and most cherished friends. She's more like a sister to me, actually.

My life was richly blessed when Elizabeth walked into it all those years ago. She recently went on a two week trip to Italy. I've never felt so alone. I talk to Liz almost every day. We see each other at least once a week. I work hard to preserve this friendship because it is one of the most important friendships I've ever had. Liz and I have become such good friends and I'm so thankful to have someone like her in my life. Someone that answers the phone, even if it's midnight, and is always there if I need a shoulder or a friend. Someone that feels comfortable enough with me to give me the hard truths that I need to hear sometimes.

I know this seems like a sappy post, I'm just thankful for such a great friend. There has been so much going on the last month or so. Elizabeth has been there for anything and everything I've needed and I don't know how I could ever thank her. I hope that I deposit as much as I withdraw...because God knows I cherish this friendship. So, Booie, if you're reading this, please know that I love you. I'm so very thankful for the friendship that you and I have. You have shown me so much over the last several years and taught me so much. I don't know how I could ever repay you for all of your kindness and friendship. But, I know that if there is ever anything you need, I'm here. Always. There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for you. I love you more than you know.