10 years ago

In two days it will have been 10 years since my Pawpaw Bazil left this world to meet my Melba in Heaven. 

Ten years. You'd think by now the sound of fire trucks wouldn't still rip my heart to shreds, but it does. I relive that day every single time I hear fire trucks. I think of him when my son plays with his Planes: Fire & Rescue toys. I smile when Talent calls the fire trucks "woowees" knowing that somewhere up above my Pawpaw is enjoying watching my boy and loving the show. 

I won't lie, I wish more than anything that my child would have gotten to meet him. The selfish, human, part of me wishes that he would have gotten to have his picture climbing all over that truck just like we did. When T asks to play pool it reminds me of playing pool at the firehouse and how very much we loved every single second. 

When I eat mexican food while we watch Planes, I think of the little mexican restaurant that Pawpaw loved so much that had clouds and airplanes painted on the ceiling. We ate there every time we visited. 

Now when we put up our tree at Christmas, I have a "castle" ornament to remind me of all the times we visited and gazed up at the beautiful Baker Hotel. Bubba and I were just so sure it was a castle for royalty. 

Ten years has gone by so fast. I remember when we buried my Pawpaw. Me, standing a few rows back in a red shirt, black pants, & big Texas hair. Trying so hard not to fall apart. Seth standing behind me squeezing my shoulders. I was fine until they did the final call for him on the radio. Never again will I be able to hear a walkie squak and not hear that sound in my mind. Sirens....they bring me back every time. 

Pawpaw Bazil, you'd love this boy of mine. He'd make you laugh. He would sure make your eyes sparkle. I'm certain you'd come in bringing him a bright red fire engine with your picture taped inside like you always did us. And he would be in love. Just like I was. I love you. I miss you always. Ten years didn't make me miss you less. I hope you know how much you are loved and missed. Hug Melba for me. Love you. 

Goodbye 2014

In 2014.......

Talent turned 3, fractured his foot, and had his first emergency hospital stay at Children's hospital all in the same week. 

We celebrated being married 9 years. 

I had wisdom teeth extracted and discovered it was the worst pain I've ever felt. I have felt pain of child birth and would do that again before having teeth extracted. But, I had the best caretaker, my husband. He never let me go without anything I needed and he took wonderful care of T. 

I lost my best friend and greatest companion, Riley. My heart has never ached for an animal like this before. I still hurt so much and miss him terribly. 

Seth's Aunt Billie passed away. Celebrating Christmas without her was the hardest thing I have done in a while. 

My Pawpaw scared us all with some heart issues. Turns out he has afib and needed a pacemaker.  

We bought two new cows and a bull. We had 7 calves and sold all but two of them. Large Marge and Big Red got to stay and be part of our permanent herd. 

We took a trip to Penasacola Beach. Got to see where the guys at Duck Dynasty sit on the loading docks. And we saw an awesome naval museum. 

My grandparents sold the house I spent a big part of my life in growing up and moved in with my parents. 

I annoyed my friends and family on facebook daily for the entire month of October about allergies and how dangerous it is for children at holidays where food is a big thing. In return, Talent had the biggest Halloween he's ever had. He received more allergy friendly things this year than ever and I've had people tell me that they are now noticing labels on foods when they shop. 

2014 had highs and lows. All in all, it was a wonderful year filled with many great memories and some very bittersweet memories. I know this next year will be filled with even more memories and big moments. It seems like the older I get, the faster time flies. Man, when I was 9 it seemed like a year lasted forever. Now that I'm married and have a child a year seems to go in the blink of an eye. I can't wait to see what this year brings. I start a new job in the next few weeks. Talent may or may not start school. We have a trip to Yellowstone this year. There is a lot going on. I'm excited. So here's to 2015. 

Days 7-30

 So I fell way behind this year. Mostly it's because I have a three year old who I spend every day with. We play, watch movies, read books, and do all kinds of other crazy things. My days are always busy but never in a bad way. 

So I'm going to save myself the trouble of trying to "catch up" because, let's face it...I don't stand a chance at this point. 

I am thankful that God gave me Talent. I never ever realized how big of a blessing motherhood was going to be. But, aside from being a wife...this is the greatest thing I've ever done. I love Talent with a love that is indescribable. He makes me laugh, drives me crazy, and makes me smile this really cheesy smile. He can make even the worst day better. I can never thank God enough for blessing my life with him. 

I am thankful for friends who are always there to pick me up when I fall. Lifelong friends like the Dollarhites who text me no matter what time of day or night it is to include me in the birth of a new baby. Family that isn't blood, but might as well be because of all the memories we share and the love and bond we have from growing up together. 

I am thankful for days at home with my little family playing in a cardboard "dog house" and laughing till our tummies hurt. Watching tv and cuddling all together on the couch. Snuggling in at night after a long day of doing nothing and falling asleep all together in the same bed. 

I am thankful for animals that bein me joy because they love me no matter what my faults are. A big dumb dog that wants to sit in my lap despite him being the size of a small horse. This dog lets my kid ride him like a horse, sit on him, pull his tail and hug his giant neck and never bats an eye. I am thankful for his tenderness. 

I am thankful for the dog who was my sidekick for eleven years. He was my best friend and I know there will never be another like him. His memory still stings my heart with a burn that I can't explain. As I type with tears in my eyes, he was the best dog I ever had and none can ever replace him. I'm thankful God sent me to save that mutt. My life has been forever changed by Riley. 

I'm thankful for my family. My parents, in laws, outlaws, cousins, minis, aunts, uncles....all of them. If it wasn't for these nuts in my life I wouldn't be here. They all have a place in my heart no matter what. I love them even if sometimes they make me a little crazy. 

I'm thankful for Talent's allergies. Yes I know that sounds insane. But, it has taught me so much to be the parent of a child with severe food allergies. I have learned how to be mindful of others and more thoughtful. I think about allergies all the time. When giving gifts I am more mindful of what I give. When doing an act of kindness for the mail lady or trash man I am more mindful....it has changed me in a big way and I am so grateful. 

I am thankful for my church family. I've been there since I was about 5. I have loved and lost many members along the way and I know I will do that for many years to come. But I have been richly blessed in knowing each person there. Some have touched my life in ways I was never able to fully grasp until I was older. One in particular, Isaac...oh what I wouldn't give for him to have been able to see my baby. 

I am thankful for my best friends. They keep me grounded in life. They are always there when I need them. To help me with birthday cakes, or to give me a bottle of wine on a bad day. They help me keep my baby safe on holidays like Halloween and also make sure he feels included. They love me, even if I am a crazy but bag at times. 

I am thankful to have a God who I will someday see in Heaven. I know until then, he's up there, listening to me each day as I say prayers for the people in my life that I love & also prayers for people I don't know but I know need Him. I am one of those people who doesn't have a nightly prayer. I never say "amen"...I have a continuous conversation with God all day everyday. I'm sure there are probably days he would like me to be still and listen...but, I pray a lot for the people in my life. 

I'm thankful for so many things in my life and I can't name them all. But this is a pretty good list. 

Day 6

Have you ever picked up a book and gotten so lost in it that you couldn't put it down until you finished the whole thing? I do that often. I was blessed with a love for reading very early on in my life. I will read just about anything. Murder mystery, drama, love stories, autobiographies, short stories....I love it all. 

I read all the time. I've even been reading with Talent since he was about 6 weeks old. I know, it was early to start reading bug I wanted so badly for him to love reading. 

Tonight as we were making our way to bed he pulled out two books from his book shelf and asked me to read to him. I have a hard time saying no to reading, so we say and read the books. We read all the time together. I'm thankful that he enjoys books and I hope his love for reading continues. 

Day 5

About four years ago my parents bought Seth a puppy. He had been wanting an English Mastiff and they found one on their way home from Texas. They brought it home and we fell in love. We found out three weeks later that I was 6 weeks pregnant with Talent. So here we were with a new puppy and a baby on the way. It was a very interesting mix to say the very least. Over the next 9 months this "puppy" grew into a horse. He also became a great companion for me. I had Riley, and God knows how much I love that dog. But, there was something different about the bond I had with Redick.

While I was pregnant I was SO sick. I had all day sickness, there was no "morning" sickness at all. It was an all day every day thing and it SUCKED! When I would be sick and thinking I would never in my life eat again, Redick would be in the bathroom sitting by my feet to keep me company. When I would sit in the floor and not be able to get up so easily, Redick would come stand beside me and let me use him for help getting up. He's been a great dog for me.

Redick still follows me around and can usually be found in whatever room I'm in. But, now that Talent has come along, Redick has a new little buddy that he loves. Redick is a 150lb+ English Mastiff that hits me at about my waist. He's extra large and he likes to make it well known that this is his house. But, let that little boy come in the room and climb on his back and Redick just looks at me like, "Well, okay." and lets Talent do whatever he wants.

Redick has been the best dog for my kid. He isn't rough with him, he isn't mean. He's actually never even snapped at Talent. With all that Talent puts Redick through some days, I'm amazed at this dog's patience. Talent and Redick love to play outside together. Talent loves to play fetch with Redick and always gets a good laugh when he runs after the ball.

I know Redick is just a dog, but, I'm thankful for him for so many reasons. He's the protector of our home, companion when we need one, and a big part of our family. I'm glad that my child has this amazing animal to grow up with. I know a lot of people don't view pets like I do, but, this dog is family. We love him.

Talent & Redick. Best Friends.

Sharing a laugh and a kiss!

These two. Just love them!

Redick on guard. He was watching Talent as a car drove by the house.

My pregnant self at about 30 weeks maybe....Redick was just about 10 months old here.